Abounding in Love

Okay - I am addicted to Twitter. I like it much better than Facebook. If you haven't tried it you most definitely should. All day every day there are people posting quotes. Some are hilarious and others are serious. This quote came across my phone a few days ago and I have been thinking about it ever since: "Always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Cor 15:58) Abounding. The opposite of foot-dragging. ~Ray Ortlund. Let's talk about that for a minute!

I have been having an ongoing conversation with a dear friend about loving our husbands. We both admit to struggling with this. There are days it is easy to be supportive and loving and kind and patient and the voice of affirmation. But there are seasons when this is very difficult... Our husbands require love and affirmation and respect even when we don't feel loved and affirmed and respected ourselves (the reverse is also true - but we aren't talking about us right now!). And in those times it feels like we just have to give and give and give. Here is how my friend puts it: "Marriage is not give and take. It is give. And give... I am not called to give my hubby affirmation and speak words of truth that he needs when I am receiving what makes me feel loved. I am called to do it. Period. Because Jesus gave and gave and gave. And still gives more. The same Spirit that was with Jesus has been sent to dwell in me and will give me strength and joy." This is where we come to abounding.

"Always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Cor 15:58) Abounding. The opposite of foot-dragging. I have perfected the art of serving my husband with a bad attitude and serious foot dragging. This is what happens when I work out of my own strength. I personally am seriously lacking in strength and seriously not lacking in self-pity and self-indulgance and even self-preservation. But God has called me to this work - the work of loving my husband. And the only way I can abound in this work is through the power of the Holy Spirit! Do you see the relief in that, friends? We can't love our husbands in our own strength. Period. We can only love - and give - out of the strength of the God of this Universe!! I don't have to muster up strength each morning to cook again or speak words of affirmation or serve patiently or be a joyful wife!! I just need to PRAY!! God will give me abounding strength. And He will cause me to be more dependent on Him daily. He will develop in me more love and more compassion and more strength to serve.

Just a footnote: Please don't hear me say that loving my husband (or you loving your husband) is ALWAYS work. It most definitely isn't. There is so much joy in this that my heart bursts just thinking about it. But we cannot deny as wives and even mothers that there are days when... well, when we don't have the mental, emotional, or physical strength to love our families. I hope you haven't experienced those days yet. But if, like me, you have - please know that you are not alone and that you can ABOUND in this work - NEVER through your own strength, but in the Strength of the One who has died in your place and who has given you His Spirit!

A Summer Review - stories and all!

Well, Summer is over and Fall is well underway. I have finally been able to breathe enough to think of all that God has done during the summer months. A while ago I talked a little about what I was expecting but now I want to share a few details of the summer. As always, God has blown me away with his goodness to me and my family. I feel His favor (and that is not favor above others, but his kindness and grace and mercy).

June saw Steve and I visiting Vail, Colorado for the Acts29 Retreat and Rocky Mountain National Park. What did God show me? It was actually life changing for me. I am the chief worrier. Not as in the best, but the very worst. My default mode is to fail to trust God and to try and figure things out on my own. God once again had to show me that He alone is in control. I love the

mountains but they do not love me. My blood pressure tends to climb with the altitude. After talking to the doctor (and being advised to find the nearest medical facility for "just in case") I

settled in to our "retreat" and began the worry spiral. But each time I worried and prayed about what to do, what course of action to take, God very clearly pointed out that my life was His - high blood pressure and all. (Mind you, I was taking medical advice... so this wasn't blindly ignoring serious signs!) God was quite simply, though, asking if I trusted Him. Repeatedly. And I do. But I wasn't acting like it. My fears had become all consuming... and they were ruining my vacation. But God in His goodness and graciousness, ripped away my fear and showed me the reality that He controls all things - and He alone chooses when I die and how I live. All He asks is for me to trust Him. We went on to have a beautiful, but sedated visit to one of the most beautiful places Steve and I have seen in a while - at 13,000 feet God's grace shone over me in the snow covered mountains. And I am grateful.

July brought a couple of family trips. I love spending Fourth of July with my parents in

Kentucky. They are such a blessing to me! Their heritage is visible in their children and grandchildren. Plus, Kentucky is a place that refreshes my soul! Later in the month we got to visit Chicago with the kiddos. It was the hottest three days of the summer. But we sweated it out together and had a blast. The Bean was a favorite and Isaac was happy to cross it off of his life's list of accomplishments! The next item on the list? A segway tour!

August was all about school. Esther started her junior year and Isaac began his 7th grade year. It also brought a first. Victoria moved out. God granted her a full scholarship to Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville - yes, that's right, it's in our town. It was the last place she looked at. But it became the place that she wanted to attend the most. Then God graciously allowed her to attend for free. So we moved her into a dorm and left her there! Talk about hard... I cried like a baby. As I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for Steve

I began talking to a woman who was going to leave her son and drive back to Texas! Texas - can you imagine that distance!?! She,

who was not crying, looked at me, who was obviously a basket case, and asked how far my drive home was. All I could say was... about two streets that way!! Not one of my prouder moments. But, in another sense, it was. Victoria has worked so hard to get to college and she is loving every minute of it! God has blessed her with a great community of friends to walk through life with AND I still get to see her on Sundays. God is good. I am so proud of all three of them!

September brought another trip for Steve and I. I feel very fortunate that, for now, I have not had to work. We have fun traveling together. However, leaving my kiddos has been one of the hardest things for me as a mom, a worrying mom. God continues to ask me if I trust Him. I do - and I pray that He helps me when I don't. Friends have lovingly stepped up to stay with Esther and Isaac as we have been gone. Mind you, they are two of the most self-sufficient kids on the face of the earth! But, they have been surrounded in our absence by people who love them - and they know that. Isaac is notorious for saying that it took a whole church of people to take care of him while I was away. And he was beaming as he said it. I am truly thankful!

Now, Summer is over and it is October. I am another year older... and still loving being in my 40's. I am even more grateful to God for the blessing of belonging to a place. As Wendell Berry would say, I know exactly where I am and I don't want to be any place else.

Control and Motherhood

Over the last few weeks I have been having an ongoing conversation with some friends about

relationships. Especially mother-daughter relationships. They can be so rewarding. But they can also be, in my opinion, some of the hardest to navigate. Esther and Victoria and I have spent years talking about ours. And one very obvious fact has emerged. I have been sharing it with them for years. I think y'all might also find it helpful.

The truth is, I sometimes would rather control them than love them. Now obviously, I love my daughters with my whole heart. And I am so proud of them. They are growing into amazing women who love the Lord and I rejoice in that! But they have had to walk through life with a mom who definitely struggles with control. And my sin of control has influenced their picture of the gospel.

Let me explain. As a mom, I want obedience on their part. It is essential that they learn how to submit to authority if they are going to be happy in life. The problem is that in my desire for them to submit, I convey that if they obey and submit to me, I will love and approve of them. This not only undermines their ability to submit, it undermines their understanding of God and the gospel.

I need to constantly remind them (and myself) of the gospel. And then model my parenting after the gospel. The gospel clearly states that I am loved in Christ - first and foremost. I was loved even as an enemy of God. I am loved before I even am able to love. As a believer I have God's approval based on what Christ has done for me. I am approved of before I ever obey. Then out of the love and approval of God the Father I am affirmed and accepted and want to be accountable to his authority. Look at this diagram (it is taken from the SALT series published by Victorious Christian Living International):

In my parenting and in my friendships I need to convey that I accept people not because of who they are or how they behave, but because I choose to love them. I am loved and accepted by God because of Christ, therefore I am accountable to his authority. I never want to present to someone that I will love and accept them when they respond to my authority and accountability. This is opposite of the Gospel. It is opposite of how God has treated me. It is opposite of how I should treat my children. Sadly, I have not always parented that way. My kiddos know this... but they are gracious! And we are learning every day how to better apply the gospel to our own hearts and our relationships.

So moms... if you haven't done so, sit down with your children and talk about how much you love them. This is an excellent time to let them know that you are seeking to be more like Christ as you parent. Even draw out this diagram and show them how you desire to be a picture of Christ. Give them the Gospel - that they are loved and affirmed because God chooses to love them, not because they are good people. Let them know that you love them because they are yours!! Tell them that you desire for them to respond to your authority because they are loved and affirmed by you. BUT they have your approval not matter what - because it is freely given, not earned. Watch as their faces light up! There is freedom in a child knowing they are loved for who they are, not what they do! I had to confess to my kiddos that I fail over and over again in this. But I pray daily for them and for myself, that I will be an example of the gospel in how I parent.

Your Meal Doesn't Have to Be Perfect - Invite Them Anyway!

I love to cook. But it isn't really the act of cooking that motivates me. It is the connecting with people that motivates me. I love having people sitting around my table talking and relaxing and sharing about life. I have found that if you don't feed your guests they aren't as comfortable doing all of those things. So - I learned to cook. I also learned because my mom is the same way. She is a great cook, but she is more than that - she is hospitable. Both of my parents are. They are welcoming and put people at ease around their table. You can talk freely and comfortably while you are there. The food was always amazing - but simple.

I have been reading A Meal with Jesus by Tim Chester. I have been so blessed by this book. I haven't finished it yet, but so far I highly recommend it. It has challenged me in many ways - but today I have been thinking about one tiny little point that Mr. Chester has made. I want to focus on just a few lines:

"Now television shows and cookbooks sell the idea of hospitality back to us as they encourage us to remake hospitality in the image of restaurant cuisine. Sharing a family meal has been replaced by the fancy dinner party... Hospitality has become performance art, and we've lost the creation of intimacy around a meal."

That was a convicting statement. There is an ever present temptation to shift the focus of the meal from community to performance - and it is a temptation we, as the church, should resist. Tons of time and energy (and blog space) has been dedicated to presenting an impressive meal or table setting. When in reality we as believers are called to be hospitable - and often times that means serving something simple, warm, filling and inviting. It is actually freeing to intentionally serve something simple and inviting! How sad would it be if I slaved to impress my neighbor with my gourmet table only to make them feel inferior or intimidated by the meal that I am serving. I want to communicate that yes, I have worked hard to provide a good meal for you, but I am more interested in you and your needs and your company than in being impressive.

Jesus ate many, many meals and the guests were always more important than the meal. My friend Melissa told me recently about someone who invited her family over for dinner and it was soup and bread. The simplest of meals - but it was one of the most refreshing, relaxing, and entirely blessing-filled meals that she and her husband experienced in a long time. It was because the hosts cared more about them than the food - and she felt that and gloried in it.

One of the most beautiful things you can do to connect with friends and neighbors is invite them to a meal that you are serving your family - and that is different from inviting them to a meal prepared especially for them. It is including them in your daily life, including them in your home. How much easier it is to invite people to a meal that you are already preparing than to have to wait until you have the time, energy, and budget to provide them with a impressive display of your skills and food knowledge! Go ahead - invite them. Your friends and neighbors need to be seated at your table - and they don't care what you feed them, they just want to hear what makes you different! Share a meal and share Jesus.

22 Reasons Why I Love My Husband

Today Steve and I have been married for 22 years. Wow. Some days it doesn't seem like even 5 years. The husband of my youth has become the husband of my middle age. For those of you who do not know him, this is a quote that describes him perfectly: "He was like an axman at work in a tangled thicket, cutting and cutting at the brush and the vines and the low limbs, trying to mkae room for a full swing." And I love him. Here are just a few reasons why (reasons that some of you will think are entirely too sappy - my apologies):

1. He fit one of my favorite Anne of Green Gables quotes: "I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't."

2. He loves Jesus more than me, and he isn't afraid to remind me of this.

3. He has given me Victoria - and she has his creative mind and gifted use of words.

4. He gave me Esther - and she has his sense of independence and drive and "I won't take no for an answer" attitude.

5. He gave me Isaac - Steve chose the name long before he was born - it means laughter and Isaac has brought laughter to our lives every day along with being a miniature version of his dad.

6. His IQ is one point higher than mine - and he has used it to his advantage every day of our marriage!

7. I am his standard of beauty... which is possibly the most amazing blessing that God has given us.

8. He keeps me busy.

9. He still tells me that someday I will be able to visit Base Camp on Mount Everest - even though he knows that is physically impossible for me.

10. He understands my need to dream about owning land and a barn - and 5 horses and 5 cows and 5 chickens.

11. He is a gentle man. "The gentleness I knew in him seemed to be calling out, and it was a gentleness in me that answered. That gentleness, calling and answering, giving and taking, brought us together. It brought us into the room of love. It made our place clear around us." - Wendell Berry

12. He is the adventurous one and I am the cautious one.

"The heart can think of no devotion

Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition." - Robert Frost

13. He makes me feel safe.

14. He pushes me to feel unsafe.

15. We have grown into adults together - he is part of the reason that I am the person that I am today.

16. He is quick to apologize.

17. He is a humble man who leads me well.

18. He sacrifices himself for me daily.

19. He loves the Word of God - and this reminds me of my father.

20. He still rides his skateboard to work.

21. He loves to take me for drives that lead to nowhere.

22. He is my other half - we are one."That she was his half, she had no doubt at all. He needed her. At times she knew with a joyous ache that she completed him, just as she knew with the same joy that she needed him and he completed her. How beautiful a thing it was, she thought, to be a half, to be completed by such another half!" -Wendell Berry

"This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,

The sorriest sheep Chirst shepherds with His crook.

Yet while I love my God the most, I deem

That I can never love you over-mcuh;

I love Him more, so let me love you too;

Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such

I cannot love you if I love not Him,

I cannot love Him, if I love not you.

-Christina Rosetti

I am grateful to God for the blessing of Steve.

Prayer and the Holy Spirit

Been reading about and thinking on the power of the Holy Spirit. I spend a LOT of time dwelling on this subject. I find Him fascinating... and confusing... and complex... and on and on and on... Who is the Holy Spirit? More importantly, what is my relationship with Him?

Jesus promised to send the Helper - to be with me forever. He is the Spirit of Truth. He "dwells with you and will be in you." (See John 14:15-17) Jesus says that "the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." (John 14:25-26) Later in John 16 Jesus actually says it is to our advantage that He go away, because if He didn't go away then the Holy Spirit would not come. John 15:13 says "when the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you."

No discussion of the Holy Spirit and prayer would be complete without Romans 8. Read the whole chapter! I have been thinking about 8:26-27. I take so much comfort in these verses. I am a woman who loves to pray but who can drive myself crazy over what exactly to pray about or how to pray. These verses calm my soul. The Spirit helps in my obvious weakness. He intercedes for me - with groanings too deep for words!! Can you even fathom this? I cannot. But I take comfort in this (and there again - He is my Comforter!). The Spirit prays for me. He intercedes for me according to the will of God!! The Spirit and the Father and the Son are One. They are of one mind. When the Spirit prays He knows the will of the Father. Each of His prayers are for something that the Father has already willed. Amazing!! All the times that I second guess whether I am asking for my will or the will of the Father - the Spirit, who intercedes for me, already knows the will of the Father and prays accordingly! And in the meantime, He is teaching me - reminding me of the Words of Christ - helping the Father to mold me into the image of Christ - into a person who desires the will of the Father! It is enough to make my head spin after a while. But what comfort is there in these thoughts!!

So, as I pray, the pressure is removed. I do desire to know and ask for the will of the Father. But it isn't up to me to determine the value of each request (although I am not exempt from seeking His will). The Spirit intercedes for me with the Father. The Spirit of Truth will teach me and remind me of what Jesus has said. He will guide me into all Truth and He will take what Jesus has said and declare it to me! What a blessing! I am again struck by how much of this process has NOTHING to do with me - and everything to do with the power of the Holy Spirit in me.

It's Been A While!

Well, I have missed blogging about random things from life in the Mizel home. Currently I am without a laptop - which has been an adjustment. How did we ever survive without those things? So here is a little update on the wanderings of me.

We did, in fact, survive the month of May. Victoria graduated!! And Esther turned 16. Things are changing quickly around here. But they are amazing young women and we are enjoying this phase in life. Victoria leaves for school in about one month. My brain cannot fathom the upcoming changes in store for our family.

In June Steve and I traveled to Colorado for an Acts29 conference. After the conference we got

to spend a day and a half in the Rocky Mountain National Forest. Bears and elk and bighorn sheep and waterfalls and a 17 foot snow drift in June! The continental divide - and 12,000 feet elevation. It was a perfect getaway. But I was glad to be home.

July brought one of my favorite holidays - Fourth of July! We travelled to my parent's place in Kentucky and watched fireworks over Kentucky Lake. It was beautiful. I love relaxing in the swing, looking out at their huge garden(waiting semi-patiently for the corn to gr

ow faster!), bird-watching, listening to the cows and bull frogs. I am never one to pass up an evening sitting by the fire watching the stars come out. It is one of my greatest joys as a parent to show my kiddos how to spot a shooting star or a satellite or the Milky Way. Time with my parents and sisters' families is always good.

We still have a few days of vacation left - so we will be off to Chicago. Isaac has been wanting to see that Bean for as long as I can remember! So we will take our last vacation together for a while. Then we will come home and jump back into preparing for middle school, high school, and college. Am I ready for this? I guess so. New things always scare me - but God has been so gracious to us. Can't wait to see where he is going to lead next!