Selfishness and Thoughts from "If" by Amy Carmichael

Oh so long ago when I got married my mom gave me a gift.  It is a little book that I have valued and treasured called IF by Amy Carmichael.  It is a short look at some thoughts that came to Ms. Carmichael as she contemplated her Savior and His love and her own sometimes lack of love.  My husband Steve often says that the opposite of love is not hate, but selfishness.  My mom knew that marriage would require me to love my husband more and myself less and even to think about myself less.  She has always been such an example of putting others before herself.  I have learned much from her.  And I have been reading this book for twenty three years and counting... Thanks Mom!

IF I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

IF at the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold, I do not shut the door, and in the power of Him who works in us to will and to do, keep that door shut, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

Now, Ms. Carmichael, and my mom even, were not saying that they know nothing of Calvary love.  But Calvary love refers to our beloved Jesus Christ, who loved us so perfectly, so unselfishly that He chose to become our Substitute (2Cor. 5:21).  He chose, although He lived a perfect life and did not deserve punishment, to take the penalty of my sin - to die in my place and win for me undeserved acceptance and love by God.  Wow - this is Calvary love and I fall so short of it.  But by the grace and mercy of God He is working in me!

Mother's Day and Birdwatching

Mother's Day is today...  My mom is such a blessing to me.  I love her.  So let's celebrate some of the joys she brings to us.

Mom shows others that she loves them by serving them.  She bakes or cleans or shops or serves in a zillion different ways.  You can bet if it is someone's birthday she has cooked a feast!  Or if someone has a special event, she has helped you shop for just the right outfit.  Or if you need help with homework or if you aren't feeling well... she's the one my sisters and I call.  She's always there.  (And for the record, Dad is just the same!  Need a car repaired or a sump pump fixed or do you have a gardening question?  Call him!)   I know that her desire is to serve others just as Christ Jesus came to serve those around him.  She is truly a picture of the love of Christ to me.

Some people know that Mom loves to read.  But not everyone knows that she is actually a very talented writer as well.  Her letters are the best.  I still have the ones she wrote to me in college.  When my oldest daughter Victoria was away in Louisville last summer she would eagerly wait for a letter from her grandmother... then she would read them aloud to her roommates.  They were stories of daily life  and of family and of the faithfulness of God.  I know Victoria will cherish those forever.

Today I have been thinking about Mom's love of birds.  This is something I know that I get from her.  She and Dad have always enjoyed nature and seeing the things that others don't notice.  Growing up, we would take long drives through our part of Kentucky.  All three of us girls would be in the backseat -  on the lookout for anything!  Birds or deer or the perfect oak tree or the field full of horses or an old barn hidden in the overgrowth.   So today I saw an indigo bunting at my bird feeder!  It is one of my favorites.  I immediately called her knowing that she would celebrate with me.  It was fun.  And it is one of the many things I am grateful to her (and my dad) for.  Even though I don't live on five acres in Kentucky, I can still enjoy a little wildlife in the postage-stamp-sized yard that I have here.  It was good.

Thanks Mom!

A Valentine Legacy

The Lord graciously blessed me with parents who love each other.  They have loved each other for many, many Valentine's Days.  True fidelity.  That is an old fashioned word, but one of my favorite words.   It means loyalty, faithfulness in a relationship, constancy, steadfastness, and true-heartedness.  For 46 years my parents have acted out fidelity.  My sisters and I had a living, breathing marriage tutorial right before our very eyes.  I have watched and learned.  Not that their relationship (or mine) is perfect.  But I have seen them seek to honor God and each other as they walk through this crazy thing we call life.  See how young and in love they were oh, so long ago.

Thanks Mom and Dad for loving each other - and me! 

And while I am thinking on it, I never got to see my grandparents together.  My grandfather died way too young.  But I have heard stories!  I like to think that my parents also had a great example to observe as well.  Check this photo out!

Happy Valentine's Day!

My Mom, Birthdays, and Basketball Memories

Happy birhtday to my mom! She is 64 today - 20 years older than I am. We were reminiscing about Kentucky Basketball this week. It may mean nothing to you, but this is the 20th anniversary of "the shot" - the game winning shot by Christian Laettner which gave Duke the last second win over Kentucky in the NCAA tourney in March of 1992. I remember that night so clearly. We were all sitting in the living room of the house I grew up in in Kentucky. We were getting ready to celebrate another Kentucky win - until Laettner, with 2.1 seconds left, shot that nightmare shot. All these years later you can go to a UK game and see "I Still Hate Laettner" t-shirts. We haven't forgotten.

As we talked about that night my mom reminded Steve and I that she had just turned 44 - which is how old I will be soon! It was a strange thought to look back and see her then and look at myself now. She was so young! Man, I was so young!! I was pregnant with Victoria. Oh so long ago and yet some days it seems like just yesterday. This year I can watch Kentucky basketball and the NCAA tourney with my mom and my daughter - who herself is almost 20. My brain cannot fathom this! We have all changed. It is a beautiful thing. My mom is a beautiful woman. I can only begin to describe her to you in a few short sentences. She is a servant who loves the Lord Jesus Christ first and foremost. She loves and serves her family faithfully and

self-sacrificially. She has taught me much about caring for others, community, cooking, being a wife, being a mom, and growing in my faith. She and Dad are both such blessings to me and my family. I am grateful!!

It was fun to talk about "the old days" and look back and remember how thankful I was for Mom then. But little did I know that the older I get the more thankful I would become for her - and for dad. I love them both! So, for Mom's birthday, let me celebrate her! I thank God for the gift He has given me.

I have shared this Wendell Berry quote before, but I will share it again. This expresses how I feel about my mom: "As I went about my work then as a young woman, and still now when I am old, Grandmam has been often close to me in my thoughts. And again I come to the difficulty of finding words. It is hard to say what it means to be at work and thinking of a person you loved and love still who did that same work before you and who taught you to do it. It is a comfort ever and always, like hearing the rhyme come when you are singing a song."

The Stories My Table Tells

I must admit that I have an ugly dining room table. It was given to us by an older woman in the church we were attending who was moving. It is from the 50's. It looked beautiful for a while. But we are a busy family who apparently knows how to damage furniture. We scuffed the top and left water marks. Soon enough the wood absorbed moisture and the surface became bubbled. It is wretched looking.

But, I cannot tell you how much I love this table. When I think of all the meals we have had here. There have been romantic, candle-lit, Valentine dinners for five. There have been meals with people we did not really know. There have been large, laughter filled Miller family gatherings and Mizel-from-California celebrations. We have cried with friends at this table. We have had angry conversations at this table. It has seen joy and sorrow. It has seen love and even a little hate. It has seen newly married couples and on-the-way-to-divorce couples. It has seen lots of teenager parties and groups of boys eating home-made french fries and milkshakes for birthdays. It has heard dreams of future love and anguish of dashed hopes. It has heard prayers of thankfulness to God and cries to Him for mercy. It has seen some come to a new faith in Christ.

It has been a tent. It has been a homework desk. It has been a work bench. It has been a nurse's station. It has been a pastor's conference table. It has been a painter's easel. It has been a gardening bench.

This well used table has seen some of the best food on the planet. My mother has served her famous food from it. (Italian Cream Cake or Red Velvet Cake or home-made salsa or Fonya Potatoes). We have eaten freshly picked corn from the garden or just-delivered-from-Kentucky burgoo and mutton. Mmmmmmm. It has held some of my very own food disasters, as well. But each dish has been served with love.

The purpose of my table's life is community. In a sense, it is at the heart of our home. We have lived and loved and mourned and celebrated with family and friends and neighbors on its ugly surface. It has been used by our family and community for over ten years. We have bought new chairs and new table cloths. But somehow, I just can't see parting with it and all of it's beautiful memories.

Looking back I can see that this is handed down from my parents. Their table has very much served the same purpose and I am grateful for all the times that I have sat there and been loved and fed. I also saw my mother's mother do the same. My grandmother had a huge table in her kitchen that served many meals to many people. I look forward to some day sitting at the tables of my children. Sharing meals together has been a gift passed down from generation to generation. Sharing meals is sharing life.

Here's to hoping that your table has its own beautiful stories to share. Enjoy!