Growing Up and Becoming a Man...

Well, my youngest just turned 13. I am partly in denial. And partly, I am so proud of him I just can't stand it! God has blessed us with three amazing kiddos that are growing into three amazing adults. When I look at the girls I am just so excited for them and the things they are getting to do and learn and experience. They are becoming independent and growing into women who are smart and talented and in some ways wise beyond their years. Isaac is just beginning on that road himself.

Today he and I talked about all the "lectures" (his word, not mine!) that I have been giving him over the years. We have tried to prepare him to be an adult who isn't afraid of work and who knows that "the world doesn't revolve around you!". Steve and I try to help Him figure out how the gospel speaks to who he is in Christ and what his actions should be.

This week I have been struck by the magnitude of one of the battles quickly approaching: pornography. Yuck. All wives fear it. But mothers - I hadn't realized that I would fear it more as a mother than a wife! We have discussed it (insert thankfulness here for Steve - most of this falls on him!) and avoided certain video games and prepared him for conversations with friends. But even a quick trip to the grocery store reminds me of what is waiting for him right around the corner. And it makes me angry - but more so it makes me worry. What's a mom to do?

A mom is to have hope! The God who gave Isaac to us has also loved and cherished and fought for his heart way more than I have ever even dreamed I could. This is another opportunity for me to trust. Can I trust God in this moment? Absolutely! I am reminded of the quote "Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel" Obviously we are doing our best to prepare and equip him! We will continue to pray for him. But in the end I have to entrust my son to the

God who can protect him.

Equally important, I think, is the community of men who are walking alongside Isaac. Not only does he have a dad who is fighting for him and a grandpa who prays faithfully for him, but he also has a group of men who are looking out for him.

All these things give me hope. My heart is happy and hopeful! Here's to trusting that we as a community can send out young men who do not have to lose this battle!

A Mustache Cake

November is Victoria-palooza around here. And Victoria's current obsession is the mustache. Not sure how that happened - but it is an obsession shared by all her friends. So when they asked to have a surprise party for her at our house there was no question about the cake! One mustache cake coming up. But how does one make a mustache cake. I didn't find any directions. So, when the need arises for you to make your very own mustache cake, I got ya covered!!

Choose your favorite box cake mix. I chose yellow cake - Duncan Hines is my favortie yellow box cake. Yellow cake goes great with the chocolate ganache I planned to use to cover the cake. Bake your cake in two eight inch round cake pans as directed on the box. Before you begin, though, trace the outline of your cake pan twice. While your cake begins, play around with the type of mustache shape you would like to have - but it must be a shape available with the two circles of cake you will have. Here are picks of my shape.

I cut two of these and then put them together to make the shape I wanted. It meant that I had to trim one of the sides because the papers could overlap to make the shape, but obviously the cakes couldn't. When my cakes where baked and cooled, I laid the papers on top of them and used a knife to cut out the shapes. I then transferred them to a cookie sheet and made sure I was happy with the final shape. I ended up having three pieces of cake pushed togher - I accidently cut off alittle too much of one corner - so I used an additional piece to make up for my mistake. This isn't a problem because the ganache icing will cover all blemishes.

For the icing, I used a recipe for chocolate ganache. Not sure where I found it, but you can find many, many recipes online. Here is the one I used:

1 cup heavy cream, 2 Tbsp butter, 2 Tbsp sugar, 12 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips

In a saucepan, bring first three ingredients to a boil. Pour this over chocolate chips and cover with plastic wrap (without stiring). Let it sit for 10 minutes. Mix until creamy. Pour over cake while still warm, but now hot.

Let it cool as directed and pour it over your cake. I didn't want my cake to be smooth so I used a spatula to make designs in the icing. I started in the center and made gentle arcs out toward the edges. I think you can see them in this picture.

I cooled the cake overnight on the cookie sheet. The next morning I was able to move it to a nice clean white cake cardboard. Then we chose yellow icing to add a Victoria saying. The results were pretty cool if I do say so myself!

For an added bonus I used the same mustache pattern on a new blank door mat for the front door. It was kinda fun! Check it out!

A Little Down Time...

Well, today was a lovely Sunday morning. We got an extra hour of sleep which is always good. Then at church we had a guest speaker which means that Steve and I got to sit next to each other! This is by far one of my favorite things. I have said before that sitting next to Steve during the gathering of the church is so encouraging to me - and VERY romantic. So thanks to the amazing John Ryan for being willing to drive all the way to another state in order to bring the Word (and a challenging message it was!) to our church and my family.

After a fun lunch with friends Steve and I settled in by the fireplace to relax. This, too, is a gift from John - no afternoon of tiredness for Steve who usually has to spend the day recovering from having spoken at Trailhead! So now what does a girl do? Most definitely NOT watch an episode of a zombie television series like some people we know! :) Shopping it is! I am really not much of a shopper. But the NCAA basketball season is here and I am in need of a few Kentucky Wildcats items! So for your viewing pleasure - these are my finds for the day. I know you will be jealous!!

This definitely needs to be on my front door as soon as possible:
And this picture is an example of the reason God did not give me an abundance of money. $55 - really?

Or wait, these are only $40!






And my kitchen will never be complete with this little number!! I would be a much better cook, don't you think?

I am one hundred percent sure that Steve will be so overjoyed to see this every morning when he leaves the house!

There is still so much more shopping to do. A true Wildcats fan must have that three piece bathroom set - of toilet seat cover and rug around the toilet and bath rug! And then there are the golf towels for my non-existant golf club set and the toaster that puts the letters U-K on your toast every morning... I could go on and on. Then, I look up and realize that I have wasted about two hours shopping for things that I will never buy... wow. But I am relaxed, toasty warm, and happy... and not one dime poorer than when I started!

Go Big Blue!

Abounding in Love

Okay - I am addicted to Twitter. I like it much better than Facebook. If you haven't tried it you most definitely should. All day every day there are people posting quotes. Some are hilarious and others are serious. This quote came across my phone a few days ago and I have been thinking about it ever since: "Always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Cor 15:58) Abounding. The opposite of foot-dragging. ~Ray Ortlund. Let's talk about that for a minute!

I have been having an ongoing conversation with a dear friend about loving our husbands. We both admit to struggling with this. There are days it is easy to be supportive and loving and kind and patient and the voice of affirmation. But there are seasons when this is very difficult... Our husbands require love and affirmation and respect even when we don't feel loved and affirmed and respected ourselves (the reverse is also true - but we aren't talking about us right now!). And in those times it feels like we just have to give and give and give. Here is how my friend puts it: "Marriage is not give and take. It is give. And give... I am not called to give my hubby affirmation and speak words of truth that he needs when I am receiving what makes me feel loved. I am called to do it. Period. Because Jesus gave and gave and gave. And still gives more. The same Spirit that was with Jesus has been sent to dwell in me and will give me strength and joy." This is where we come to abounding.

"Always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Cor 15:58) Abounding. The opposite of foot-dragging. I have perfected the art of serving my husband with a bad attitude and serious foot dragging. This is what happens when I work out of my own strength. I personally am seriously lacking in strength and seriously not lacking in self-pity and self-indulgance and even self-preservation. But God has called me to this work - the work of loving my husband. And the only way I can abound in this work is through the power of the Holy Spirit! Do you see the relief in that, friends? We can't love our husbands in our own strength. Period. We can only love - and give - out of the strength of the God of this Universe!! I don't have to muster up strength each morning to cook again or speak words of affirmation or serve patiently or be a joyful wife!! I just need to PRAY!! God will give me abounding strength. And He will cause me to be more dependent on Him daily. He will develop in me more love and more compassion and more strength to serve.

Just a footnote: Please don't hear me say that loving my husband (or you loving your husband) is ALWAYS work. It most definitely isn't. There is so much joy in this that my heart bursts just thinking about it. But we cannot deny as wives and even mothers that there are days when... well, when we don't have the mental, emotional, or physical strength to love our families. I hope you haven't experienced those days yet. But if, like me, you have - please know that you are not alone and that you can ABOUND in this work - NEVER through your own strength, but in the Strength of the One who has died in your place and who has given you His Spirit!

A Summer Review - stories and all!

Well, Summer is over and Fall is well underway. I have finally been able to breathe enough to think of all that God has done during the summer months. A while ago I talked a little about what I was expecting but now I want to share a few details of the summer. As always, God has blown me away with his goodness to me and my family. I feel His favor (and that is not favor above others, but his kindness and grace and mercy).

June saw Steve and I visiting Vail, Colorado for the Acts29 Retreat and Rocky Mountain National Park. What did God show me? It was actually life changing for me. I am the chief worrier. Not as in the best, but the very worst. My default mode is to fail to trust God and to try and figure things out on my own. God once again had to show me that He alone is in control. I love the

mountains but they do not love me. My blood pressure tends to climb with the altitude. After talking to the doctor (and being advised to find the nearest medical facility for "just in case") I

settled in to our "retreat" and began the worry spiral. But each time I worried and prayed about what to do, what course of action to take, God very clearly pointed out that my life was His - high blood pressure and all. (Mind you, I was taking medical advice... so this wasn't blindly ignoring serious signs!) God was quite simply, though, asking if I trusted Him. Repeatedly. And I do. But I wasn't acting like it. My fears had become all consuming... and they were ruining my vacation. But God in His goodness and graciousness, ripped away my fear and showed me the reality that He controls all things - and He alone chooses when I die and how I live. All He asks is for me to trust Him. We went on to have a beautiful, but sedated visit to one of the most beautiful places Steve and I have seen in a while - at 13,000 feet God's grace shone over me in the snow covered mountains. And I am grateful.

July brought a couple of family trips. I love spending Fourth of July with my parents in

Kentucky. They are such a blessing to me! Their heritage is visible in their children and grandchildren. Plus, Kentucky is a place that refreshes my soul! Later in the month we got to visit Chicago with the kiddos. It was the hottest three days of the summer. But we sweated it out together and had a blast. The Bean was a favorite and Isaac was happy to cross it off of his life's list of accomplishments! The next item on the list? A segway tour!

August was all about school. Esther started her junior year and Isaac began his 7th grade year. It also brought a first. Victoria moved out. God granted her a full scholarship to Southern Illinois University at Edwardsville - yes, that's right, it's in our town. It was the last place she looked at. But it became the place that she wanted to attend the most. Then God graciously allowed her to attend for free. So we moved her into a dorm and left her there! Talk about hard... I cried like a baby. As I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for Steve

I began talking to a woman who was going to leave her son and drive back to Texas! Texas - can you imagine that distance!?! She,

who was not crying, looked at me, who was obviously a basket case, and asked how far my drive home was. All I could say was... about two streets that way!! Not one of my prouder moments. But, in another sense, it was. Victoria has worked so hard to get to college and she is loving every minute of it! God has blessed her with a great community of friends to walk through life with AND I still get to see her on Sundays. God is good. I am so proud of all three of them!

September brought another trip for Steve and I. I feel very fortunate that, for now, I have not had to work. We have fun traveling together. However, leaving my kiddos has been one of the hardest things for me as a mom, a worrying mom. God continues to ask me if I trust Him. I do - and I pray that He helps me when I don't. Friends have lovingly stepped up to stay with Esther and Isaac as we have been gone. Mind you, they are two of the most self-sufficient kids on the face of the earth! But, they have been surrounded in our absence by people who love them - and they know that. Isaac is notorious for saying that it took a whole church of people to take care of him while I was away. And he was beaming as he said it. I am truly thankful!

Now, Summer is over and it is October. I am another year older... and still loving being in my 40's. I am even more grateful to God for the blessing of belonging to a place. As Wendell Berry would say, I know exactly where I am and I don't want to be any place else.

Control and Motherhood

Over the last few weeks I have been having an ongoing conversation with some friends about

relationships. Especially mother-daughter relationships. They can be so rewarding. But they can also be, in my opinion, some of the hardest to navigate. Esther and Victoria and I have spent years talking about ours. And one very obvious fact has emerged. I have been sharing it with them for years. I think y'all might also find it helpful.

The truth is, I sometimes would rather control them than love them. Now obviously, I love my daughters with my whole heart. And I am so proud of them. They are growing into amazing women who love the Lord and I rejoice in that! But they have had to walk through life with a mom who definitely struggles with control. And my sin of control has influenced their picture of the gospel.

Let me explain. As a mom, I want obedience on their part. It is essential that they learn how to submit to authority if they are going to be happy in life. The problem is that in my desire for them to submit, I convey that if they obey and submit to me, I will love and approve of them. This not only undermines their ability to submit, it undermines their understanding of God and the gospel.

I need to constantly remind them (and myself) of the gospel. And then model my parenting after the gospel. The gospel clearly states that I am loved in Christ - first and foremost. I was loved even as an enemy of God. I am loved before I even am able to love. As a believer I have God's approval based on what Christ has done for me. I am approved of before I ever obey. Then out of the love and approval of God the Father I am affirmed and accepted and want to be accountable to his authority. Look at this diagram (it is taken from the SALT series published by Victorious Christian Living International):

In my parenting and in my friendships I need to convey that I accept people not because of who they are or how they behave, but because I choose to love them. I am loved and accepted by God because of Christ, therefore I am accountable to his authority. I never want to present to someone that I will love and accept them when they respond to my authority and accountability. This is opposite of the Gospel. It is opposite of how God has treated me. It is opposite of how I should treat my children. Sadly, I have not always parented that way. My kiddos know this... but they are gracious! And we are learning every day how to better apply the gospel to our own hearts and our relationships.

So moms... if you haven't done so, sit down with your children and talk about how much you love them. This is an excellent time to let them know that you are seeking to be more like Christ as you parent. Even draw out this diagram and show them how you desire to be a picture of Christ. Give them the Gospel - that they are loved and affirmed because God chooses to love them, not because they are good people. Let them know that you love them because they are yours!! Tell them that you desire for them to respond to your authority because they are loved and affirmed by you. BUT they have your approval not matter what - because it is freely given, not earned. Watch as their faces light up! There is freedom in a child knowing they are loved for who they are, not what they do! I had to confess to my kiddos that I fail over and over again in this. But I pray daily for them and for myself, that I will be an example of the gospel in how I parent.

Trailhead Women's Retreat - or Non-Retreat!!

I am SO very excited to announce that Trailhead Church will be hosting a women's retreat coming up soon. Here's the scoop:

When: Friday, October 7th 7pm-10pm and Saturday, October 8th 9:30am-3pm

Where: Trailhead Church, Edwardsville, IL

Cost: Free (but consider contacting me to bring a food item for Saturday)

Subject: PrayerSpeaker: Sarah Guild from Kansas City, KS (and former Trailhead member)

[Trailhead women- sign up on the City: www.trailheadchurch.onthecity.org!]

Funny enough, when I asked a few friends whether we should provide food for a cost or have women volunteer to bring food, pot-luck style, we had quite the discussion! In the end we overwhelmingly decided to go old-school and bring our own food. We as a church love to do this! Nothing like a home cooked, family meal to bring you closer together. But it was fun to discuss whether we could actually call this a retreat if we are asking women to do a little work in order to participate! So, in the end, it was decided we should probably change the name from retreat to something different. However, I never came up with anything even remotely creative. I am open to suggestions, though!

Please consider joining us. Our speaker, Sarah, is one of my dearest friends. She and her

husband Jamie were instrumental in the founding of Trailhead Church before God moved them to Kansas City, Kansas. The Lord has used her greatly in my life (and my family's). She has taught

me much about prayer and I am excited for us to hear what God has been teaching her lately. We also hope to have some time for personal reflection and group prayer (no worries - quiet participation is perfectly acceptable!). This is always a sweet time of community as we interact and share meals together. I do hope you can join us.

Let me know if you have any questions. And if you have a better word than retreat!!

The Promise of a Sacrifice... YOU!

The last few weeks have found me strangely and repeatedly in 1 Samuel chapter 16 of my Bible. Check out this story. The kingdom of Israel has chosen Saul to be her king. But God had other plans. The Lord says to Samuel, "How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons." Samuel argues, but God sends him anyway. And the Lord said, "Take a heifer with you and say, 'I have come to sacrifice to the Lord.' And invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what you shall do. And you shall anoint for me him whom I declare to you." (verses 2 and 3). Samuel does what God asks. He went to the house of Jesse and his sons and "invited them to the sacrifice." He meets seven of Jesse's sons, but God has chosen none of them. Jesse hasn't even called his youngest from the fields. Samuel requests to see David the youngest. Verse 12 says, "And the Lord said, 'Arise, anoint him, for this is he.' Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah." End of story.

But what about the sacrifice? Twice the Lord mentions the sacrifice to Samuel. And twice Samuel mentions the sacrifice to Jesse. Verse 5 "Consecrate yourselves, and come with me to the sacrifice." "...and he invited them to the sacrifice." But this sacrifice never happens. Why? Samuel is ready. Come to the sacrifice. Prepare yourselves. But then David is annointed and Samuel abruptly leaves. Now, the actual offering of a heifer could have been omitted from the narrative. OR the sacrifice was included. David WAS the sacrifice! God was calling Samuel to offer David as the sacrifice. Surely not a new thought, but its significance has struck me greatly these past few weeks. Did David understand that he was the sacrifice? Surely he knew the magnitude of his anointing. And does this have any application to me?

Romans 12:1-2 "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." YOU are the sacrifice. Leviticus 20:7-8 Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, for I am the Lord your God." Dictionary.com defines consecrate: to make or declare sacred; set apart or dedicated to the service of God. A living sacrifice!! We are called to present our bodies back to God. Not because our bodies are an amazing gift to God, but because he bought them with the blood of His Son Jesus. We are His. We are holy and acceptable only because we are made that way through Christ Jesus. And now all we are is His. And what wonderful things will He do with our bodies? Joshua 3:5 "Then Joshua said to the people, 'Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.' [That story goes on to tell how God lead Israel across the Jordan River, but let's steal the verse for us as well.] If you have been convinced that Jesus was your substitute in judgement and you have been redeemed, then you have been set apart, dedicated to the service of God and the Lord will do wonders among you!!! How exciting is that? Be on the lookout for how our great God will work in and through you.

Your Meal Doesn't Have to Be Perfect - Invite Them Anyway!

I love to cook. But it isn't really the act of cooking that motivates me. It is the connecting with people that motivates me. I love having people sitting around my table talking and relaxing and sharing about life. I have found that if you don't feed your guests they aren't as comfortable doing all of those things. So - I learned to cook. I also learned because my mom is the same way. She is a great cook, but she is more than that - she is hospitable. Both of my parents are. They are welcoming and put people at ease around their table. You can talk freely and comfortably while you are there. The food was always amazing - but simple.

I have been reading A Meal with Jesus by Tim Chester. I have been so blessed by this book. I haven't finished it yet, but so far I highly recommend it. It has challenged me in many ways - but today I have been thinking about one tiny little point that Mr. Chester has made. I want to focus on just a few lines:

"Now television shows and cookbooks sell the idea of hospitality back to us as they encourage us to remake hospitality in the image of restaurant cuisine. Sharing a family meal has been replaced by the fancy dinner party... Hospitality has become performance art, and we've lost the creation of intimacy around a meal."

That was a convicting statement. There is an ever present temptation to shift the focus of the meal from community to performance - and it is a temptation we, as the church, should resist. Tons of time and energy (and blog space) has been dedicated to presenting an impressive meal or table setting. When in reality we as believers are called to be hospitable - and often times that means serving something simple, warm, filling and inviting. It is actually freeing to intentionally serve something simple and inviting! How sad would it be if I slaved to impress my neighbor with my gourmet table only to make them feel inferior or intimidated by the meal that I am serving. I want to communicate that yes, I have worked hard to provide a good meal for you, but I am more interested in you and your needs and your company than in being impressive.

Jesus ate many, many meals and the guests were always more important than the meal. My friend Melissa told me recently about someone who invited her family over for dinner and it was soup and bread. The simplest of meals - but it was one of the most refreshing, relaxing, and entirely blessing-filled meals that she and her husband experienced in a long time. It was because the hosts cared more about them than the food - and she felt that and gloried in it.

One of the most beautiful things you can do to connect with friends and neighbors is invite them to a meal that you are serving your family - and that is different from inviting them to a meal prepared especially for them. It is including them in your daily life, including them in your home. How much easier it is to invite people to a meal that you are already preparing than to have to wait until you have the time, energy, and budget to provide them with a impressive display of your skills and food knowledge! Go ahead - invite them. Your friends and neighbors need to be seated at your table - and they don't care what you feed them, they just want to hear what makes you different! Share a meal and share Jesus.

22 Reasons Why I Love My Husband

Today Steve and I have been married for 22 years. Wow. Some days it doesn't seem like even 5 years. The husband of my youth has become the husband of my middle age. For those of you who do not know him, this is a quote that describes him perfectly: "He was like an axman at work in a tangled thicket, cutting and cutting at the brush and the vines and the low limbs, trying to mkae room for a full swing." And I love him. Here are just a few reasons why (reasons that some of you will think are entirely too sappy - my apologies):

1. He fit one of my favorite Anne of Green Gables quotes: "I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't."

2. He loves Jesus more than me, and he isn't afraid to remind me of this.

3. He has given me Victoria - and she has his creative mind and gifted use of words.

4. He gave me Esther - and she has his sense of independence and drive and "I won't take no for an answer" attitude.

5. He gave me Isaac - Steve chose the name long before he was born - it means laughter and Isaac has brought laughter to our lives every day along with being a miniature version of his dad.

6. His IQ is one point higher than mine - and he has used it to his advantage every day of our marriage!

7. I am his standard of beauty... which is possibly the most amazing blessing that God has given us.

8. He keeps me busy.

9. He still tells me that someday I will be able to visit Base Camp on Mount Everest - even though he knows that is physically impossible for me.

10. He understands my need to dream about owning land and a barn - and 5 horses and 5 cows and 5 chickens.

11. He is a gentle man. "The gentleness I knew in him seemed to be calling out, and it was a gentleness in me that answered. That gentleness, calling and answering, giving and taking, brought us together. It brought us into the room of love. It made our place clear around us." - Wendell Berry

12. He is the adventurous one and I am the cautious one.

"The heart can think of no devotion

Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition." - Robert Frost

13. He makes me feel safe.

14. He pushes me to feel unsafe.

15. We have grown into adults together - he is part of the reason that I am the person that I am today.

16. He is quick to apologize.

17. He is a humble man who leads me well.

18. He sacrifices himself for me daily.

19. He loves the Word of God - and this reminds me of my father.

20. He still rides his skateboard to work.

21. He loves to take me for drives that lead to nowhere.

22. He is my other half - we are one."That she was his half, she had no doubt at all. He needed her. At times she knew with a joyous ache that she completed him, just as she knew with the same joy that she needed him and he completed her. How beautiful a thing it was, she thought, to be a half, to be completed by such another half!" -Wendell Berry

"This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,

The sorriest sheep Chirst shepherds with His crook.

Yet while I love my God the most, I deem

That I can never love you over-mcuh;

I love Him more, so let me love you too;

Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such

I cannot love you if I love not Him,

I cannot love Him, if I love not you.

-Christina Rosetti

I am grateful to God for the blessing of Steve.

Prayer and the Holy Spirit

Been reading about and thinking on the power of the Holy Spirit. I spend a LOT of time dwelling on this subject. I find Him fascinating... and confusing... and complex... and on and on and on... Who is the Holy Spirit? More importantly, what is my relationship with Him?

Jesus promised to send the Helper - to be with me forever. He is the Spirit of Truth. He "dwells with you and will be in you." (See John 14:15-17) Jesus says that "the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." (John 14:25-26) Later in John 16 Jesus actually says it is to our advantage that He go away, because if He didn't go away then the Holy Spirit would not come. John 15:13 says "when the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you."

No discussion of the Holy Spirit and prayer would be complete without Romans 8. Read the whole chapter! I have been thinking about 8:26-27. I take so much comfort in these verses. I am a woman who loves to pray but who can drive myself crazy over what exactly to pray about or how to pray. These verses calm my soul. The Spirit helps in my obvious weakness. He intercedes for me - with groanings too deep for words!! Can you even fathom this? I cannot. But I take comfort in this (and there again - He is my Comforter!). The Spirit prays for me. He intercedes for me according to the will of God!! The Spirit and the Father and the Son are One. They are of one mind. When the Spirit prays He knows the will of the Father. Each of His prayers are for something that the Father has already willed. Amazing!! All the times that I second guess whether I am asking for my will or the will of the Father - the Spirit, who intercedes for me, already knows the will of the Father and prays accordingly! And in the meantime, He is teaching me - reminding me of the Words of Christ - helping the Father to mold me into the image of Christ - into a person who desires the will of the Father! It is enough to make my head spin after a while. But what comfort is there in these thoughts!!

So, as I pray, the pressure is removed. I do desire to know and ask for the will of the Father. But it isn't up to me to determine the value of each request (although I am not exempt from seeking His will). The Spirit intercedes for me with the Father. The Spirit of Truth will teach me and remind me of what Jesus has said. He will guide me into all Truth and He will take what Jesus has said and declare it to me! What a blessing! I am again struck by how much of this process has NOTHING to do with me - and everything to do with the power of the Holy Spirit in me.

It's Been A While!

Well, I have missed blogging about random things from life in the Mizel home. Currently I am without a laptop - which has been an adjustment. How did we ever survive without those things? So here is a little update on the wanderings of me.

We did, in fact, survive the month of May. Victoria graduated!! And Esther turned 16. Things are changing quickly around here. But they are amazing young women and we are enjoying this phase in life. Victoria leaves for school in about one month. My brain cannot fathom the upcoming changes in store for our family.

In June Steve and I traveled to Colorado for an Acts29 conference. After the conference we got

to spend a day and a half in the Rocky Mountain National Forest. Bears and elk and bighorn sheep and waterfalls and a 17 foot snow drift in June! The continental divide - and 12,000 feet elevation. It was a perfect getaway. But I was glad to be home.

July brought one of my favorite holidays - Fourth of July! We travelled to my parent's place in Kentucky and watched fireworks over Kentucky Lake. It was beautiful. I love relaxing in the swing, looking out at their huge garden(waiting semi-patiently for the corn to gr

ow faster!), bird-watching, listening to the cows and bull frogs. I am never one to pass up an evening sitting by the fire watching the stars come out. It is one of my greatest joys as a parent to show my kiddos how to spot a shooting star or a satellite or the Milky Way. Time with my parents and sisters' families is always good.

We still have a few days of vacation left - so we will be off to Chicago. Isaac has been wanting to see that Bean for as long as I can remember! So we will take our last vacation together for a while. Then we will come home and jump back into preparing for middle school, high school, and college. Am I ready for this? I guess so. New things always scare me - but God has been so gracious to us. Can't wait to see where he is going to lead next!

Esther's 16th Birthday Cake

This week has been Esther-palooza. A whole week of celebrating our second child who is growing into an amazing woman. Her birthday request this year was for a rainbow cake. A friend had sent a picture of a cake she wanted to make. I randomly showed it to Esther and here we are!

I visited several websites to get ideas on how to make it. In the end I did it my own way - but it turned out pretty well. Thanks for the suggestion, Kara!

So - here's how:

• Two boxes white cake mixe (I have my favorite white box cake - this is about looks, so no need to complicate the process with homemade cake!)
• Eggs, oil and water for cake
• food coloring GEL - helpful hint picked up from blogs - gel colors are brighter than regular food coloring
• round cake pans
• Icing (lots and lots! I included my recipe below if you want to make homemade cream cheese icing)

I followed directions on box and made one cake mix. Divide the cake batter equally among three different bowls. Add one gel to each bowl. I baked each layer about 12 minutes - but my oven is not reliable, so watch carefully. It is a thin layer and will not take long.
Repeat process with next three colors.
ROY G BIV is the acronym I learned in school for the colors of the rainbow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. I only made six layers... but the sky's the limit!!

Spread a think layer of icing between each cake. A helpful hint: spread a super thin layer over the top of each cake before adding the total amount of icing you want. This allows the icing to spread smoothly without pulling up pieces of cake.

This final product was yummy!



Cream cheese icing:
3 - 8 ounce packages of cream cheese
2 sticks of butter (1 cup of butter)
3 cups of powdered sugar
1 1/2 tsp of vanilla

You may add more powdered sugar to get your desired consistency.

Remembering Four Days in 2008

"Oh give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the poeples. Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; Talk of all His wondrous works."

This May will mark three years since we have been in Edwardsville. Actually, three years at the church - two full years living in Edwardsville comes on August 11. Wow. Have I ever told you the story of how God got us here? Lots of you know it, but it is always good to sing praises to God for what He has done. David did this in the Psalms... listing all the mighty works of God. This story doesn't belong in the same list as the parting of the Red Sea or the crossing of the Jordan River - but to my family it is just as monumental! So here is my remembering of it...

Steve was the family pastor at The Journey in St. Louis. We lived in a house that we loved and our three children were all attending public school in St. Louis county. A church in Edwardsville, Illinois had been meeting for less than a year and was closing. A Journey elder proposed the idea of making the church a campus of the Journey. One particular family, who attended the church for the first time on the last day of its existence, was pretty adamant about needing a gospel centered church in the Metro East area. They, along with others, begged for the elders to invest in the church. I cannot tell you how God has used this family - the Guilds - in our lives. Right from the very beginning!! So this elder, Jonathan, asked Steve to consider becoming a campus pastor. Of course Steve  said NO. Jonathan expressed disappointment and asked Steve to pray that God would raise up the right man to lead this church. He said the now famous words: "Just pray about it for four days."  On May 22, 2008 we actually started praying about it...

We drove to Edwardsville for the first time on May 23, 2008. The town of Edwardsville is fairly unique - a historic downtown mainstreet but with both older cafes and new development, a city sponsored farmer's market, bike trails throughout the community, etc. We loved it instantly. Being a small town Kentucky girl, this was like a dream come true.

After exploring the town we began to seek advice from trusted friends and family. God particularly used Steve Miller (another Journey elder) to speak into this. It is a blessing to have Godly men know your husband and his strengths and weaknesses. We will forever be grateful to Steve for being willing to lay out his thoughts clearly and honestly.  Those words have impacted our lives in a dramatic way.

Next, the big deal of speaking to the kiddos. It is a difficult thing to present life changing choices to your children. They were 16, 14, and 9 at the time. They cannot be responsible to make your decisions, but they can sure influence your choices - and it was important to us that they be on board. Miracle of miracles - the girls instantly, without hesitation said "Dad, this is what you should do." This was miraculous. Their hearts were won over by a group of people who they had not even met. We would be asking them to leave the only house they had ever known and for the girls to change schools while in high school. This was a big deal. One of the things I love about Steve is that God has given him gifts that He uses to equip the church - that He would use to help rebuild a group of wounded people in a new town. It was so overwhelming to me to see our children recognize this - they knew that God had prepared Steve just for this job. And they were quick to point that out. My heart was over-joyed... we were called as a family to walk with Steve as he lead. I will forever be grateful for this moment on the deck of the house that we loved so much - my family was willing to leave it all to be where God wanted us... what more could a wife and mother want. Our God gives undeserved gifts! "How wondrous are His works!"

After a positive conversation with my parents (which God graciously gave me - we didn't need their "yes" but He knew what my heart needed!) we were set to say yes. God had clearly and very concisely shown us His will for our family. In FOUR days, no less.  We proceeded with lots of excitement.

Then came the day of actually meeting the people from the church. I am an introvert - and do not relish being in front of people. I famously stared at the floor the whole way down the aisle on my own wedding day! And of course, this meeting, in a YMCA room with mirrors everywhere was another entrance I will never forget. We walked in to a meeting that was already underway. Jonathan was talking to the group and introduced us. He presented Steve as the new campus pastor and laid out the plan to have a Journey Metro East campus. The response was so affirming. We met so many amazing, welcoming people - some who we knew from the Journey previously. I will forever remember Betsy Goodman (now Van Keulen) making eye contact with me - reassuring me that I would survive! Afterward I was immediately surrounded by women who were so excited about what God was doing and those women are still in my life celebrating what God is doing here! These people have become my family - they have changed my life in so many ways and I will forever be grateful and remember that day as one of the sweetest, most exciting days. "O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!"

Looking back I can see the part that Steve Miller, Jonathan Macintosh and the Guild family played in all of this. I have never had to doubt the hand of God directing us to this new place. It is such a joy to know that you are right where God wants you to be. I am grateful. It has been good, as Wendell Berry says, to come to belong to a place. And we do. It hasn't always been easy... but it has always been good.

I remember - and I am thankful and rejoice. "Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. Who can utter the mighty acts of the Lord? Or can delcare all His praise?"

Dating Poem

I came across this video click of a woman reciting a poem on the Resurgence website this week. I have forwarded it to a bunch of people and all the feedback has been amazing. So click on this link for one pretty cool and insightful poem about dating as a woman after God's own heart. She makes some great points about what we should be looking for and who we should be!

http://theresurgence.com/2011/04/06/a-poem-for-all-single-people-pass-it-on

Let me know what you think!
lauren

Love and Friendship

This week has had a running theme: love. Not romantic love, although I love romance, but the love of the Father and love of friends - community, again.

I am SO very grateful for my friends. I have found true community here in this little town and in this church. I am surrounded by women who make me feel safe, loved, and cared for. Many women go through life without this - and that is not the plan God has for true community in your life. To have a group of women who continually want more than you can give or who make life unsafe for you can be debilitating. Run from those women. But run to women who will speak truth to you, who will push you to be what God created you to be, who are not afraid to love you well. Don't be a user, though, seek to return the favor. Be authentic with your wants, needs, and struggles. This is good for your soul.

After a conversation with a friend this week, I am reminded of how God loves us. It is not because of who we are and what we do - but because HE CHOOSES TO LOVE US. Period. It has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with Him. We see this played out in our relationships as well. I have three kiddos. They are good kids - but they are also bad kids (don't tell them that I said this!). I do not love them because of their actions. I love them because they are mine. I choose to love them. And hopefully, they choose to love me in the same way. My actions as a mother and a wife are not always deserving of love. But my family loves me despite those actions. We choose to love. Then we pray for God to increase that love. And we seek to have a home that encourages/enhances/invites that love to grow.

This is, hopefully, true of my deepest friendships. I love these women, not because of who they are (although that is probably how we became friends - she or I did something that invited friendship), but because they are the community God has given and I CHOOSE to love them. Unconditionally. This is something God does in my heart. He cultivates community in us. This love is not based on me and my friends, but on the love of God. And I am grateful for that. That takes the pressure off of me to perform (to keep my friendships) and them to work to earn my love.

Now there is still tension here. I have God's love for these women (and they have it for me), but I don't have this same love for everyone. It is a group of women who have given me freedom to be me... no strings attached. And they call out something in me that I know God wants called out. It is a community that He has miraculously placed me in. IF you do not have this, pray for God to send it. This will require vulnerability on your part - you have to seek like minded women that call out God in you. But when you find it, you will know. This is not affinity for me - it is community. Are you looking for affinity - people in your current life stage? That may not be the right place for you to look. Maybe you need to find people in the same spiritual life stage as you. Start there! Start spiritual conversations and see who you connect with. I am grateful that I did.

Why Study the Word?

The following is the first post for our Fight Club for Women group at Trailhead Church. It will be posted on the City for Trailhead Church later today. But I would love feedback if you have any.

Let me start off with two quotes from Wayne Grudem: "Theology changes life and conduct." "What you believe in your heart changes how you live your life." We must believe this. We must know that what we believe about the Word of God - and what we believe from the Word of God - changes our thoughts, relationships, life, and actions. And God has called us to study His Word. Wendy Alsup writes: "Wise, practical daily living is preceded by a knowledge of God that leads to fear, awe, and reverence of him, his power, and his purposes. Theology is the root, foundation, and framework for practical living that reflects wisdom and understanding."

Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me. And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children." This verse should strike fear in our hearts! It definitely does mine. But does it motivate you to dig into the Word? We are called to be watchful for wrong thinking, wrong doctrine all throughout Scripture. But the only way to be aware of incorrect teaching is to know the Truth!! We cannot be equipped if we do not study. So many times we sit and wait to be taught. But God's Word is a gift to each one of us, and we are called to study it for ourselves. Paul admonishes Timothy to study for himself. 2 Timothy 2:15 "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." Again to quote Wendy Alsop: "The Bible is sufficient. It is enough. Remember what Paul said: 'All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man (or woman!) of God may be competent, equipped for every good work' (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Wow! It's amazing to think that believers can be completely equipped for everything to which God has called them through Scripture alone."

We see the need for right living. We know right living comes from right understanding of Scripture. John speaks of Jesus as the Word (see John 1:1-18). We want to be women who know the Word. We want to be women who value the Word. But if we don't open our Bibles, we won't know either the God the Father, His Son or His Scriptures.

How well do you know the Word? How well can you articulate what you believe about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit? Let's start here:

Spend time reading and discussing the following verses:

Proverbs 2:1-5 "My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

Deuteronomy 29:29 "the secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law."

John 20:30-31 "Now Jesus did many other sign in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name."

Psalm 1:1-3 "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." (NKJV)

Psalm 119:9-16 "How can a young man (woman!) cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! Your word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are You, O Lord! Teach me Your statutes. With my lips I have declared all the judgments of Your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, as much as in all riches. I will meditate on Your precepts, and contemplate Your ways. I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget your word." (NKJV) [Actually, if you have time, read the entire Psalm 119!]

Consider memorizing some portion of Psalm 119:9-16. Maybe just as simple as verse 11: "Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You." Or, verse 16: I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget your word."

Spend time this week praying that God would give you a love for the Scripture. Ask for a desire to know the Word - He surely desires to be known by you. So you will be asking Him to bless you with something you already know He wants to give!!

Ephesians 1:16-20 "I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the god of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places." (NKJV)

QUESTIONS FOR MEDITATION OR DISCUSSION: [FYI - We will repeat these two questions at the end of each post. They will help you to process what you are learning in your group or alone as you study for your fight club.]

How does understanding this truth (God's call to know the Word) affect my view of God or Jesus?

How does understanding this truth affect my life (relationships, beliefs, philosophies, behavior)?

Thoughts to Husbands About Pornography

It has long been accepted that churches now are full of men who struggle with addictions to porn. I am proud of the way churches are stepping up to walk with these men and to hold them accountable - the community of men holding one another accountable is a beautiful thing. But one thing that I see lacking is the voice of the women affected by this destructive thing living and breathing among us. I feel the need to share my heart - not for condemnation or to add guilt - but to give our men a perspective that they might not have. These are my sisters in Christ and this is what they are saying.

The number one comment I hear from women is: "I am not enough for my husband." How devastating for a woman to hear that the man who has pursued you and asked to marry you has another lover. And she is the epitome of the world's standard for beauty. We cannot compete with this. As women we struggle with feelings of inadequacy all the time. Am I attractive? Am I too fat? Too skinny? We have been rejected for another lover - one who isn't even available, but who is "perfect". And we are left in shambles. No, our identities should not be in our husbands. Our identity should be in Christ alone. But, husband, you are deceiving yourselves if you think you can say "Honey, there isn't anything wrong with you, it's just me." We may want to believe your words, but your actions are choosing this woman over us every time you look at porn.

Our desire is to be loved physically by our husbands. We NEED that physical connection. God designed the act of sex to bond and connect men and women in a way that is emotional and psychological as well as physical. If you take that physical bond away from us we become less and less connected to you emotionally. And the same is true for you as well. If you are not having sex with your wife, but are engaging in fantasies with another woman, you are bonding yourself to her and not to your wife! You may think that you are only experiencing a physical reaction to a beautiful woman, but it is replacing a physical, emotional, and spiritual bonding with the woman that God gave you to love and care for. It is a betrayal of your wife's trust and devotion. Without that physical bond your wife will desire you less and less physically... this is the way God designed it.

Also, I think that it is important that you know that your wife is isolated in her ability to process the affects of porn. She cannot do this in community unless you enable her to. Men meet together in groups - but groups that remain anonymous to the outside. It is a fine line for a wife to speak of her husband's addiction - she cannot betray his trust and confidence. Therefore, she has to seek help from online/distant resources or through impersonal books. I urge you men, to give your wives permission to speak to a friend (maybe even one that you suggest) about this issue. Allow her to meet with someone to pray. Give her an outlet to grieve something that affects her personal identity greatly. This will require vulnerability on your part. I know what I am asking of you - I know what it will cost you - but I KNOW the benefit of having a well-chosen mentor speak the gospel into pain and hurt. You are not walking this alone, I beg you not to ask her to do the same.

Finally, don't let shame or guilt isolate you from your wife. You need to communicate with her about this. She has fears and doubts that only you can answer. We do not want to be your accountability partners, but we need to know how you are processing this. You may think you can handle it on your own, or with your group. But the reality is, we are there with you through all of this. And we are affected as well. Let us pray for you - out loud. Give us space to share our hearts - our hurts. Hear our perspective. We don't need all the details but we do need to be included in the process.

In the end, your wife needs to know that you do have her best interest at heart. When you sit down and fill your vision with those images, you are making a choice between two lovers - and you are not choosing your wife. She knows this and feels it deeply. Please, open your heart to her to win her heart back.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Just a little reminiscing for St Patrick's Day.

In 2008 Steve and I were able to take a dream trip. We went to Northern Ireland with Steve's family - to sightsee and to visit family there. We stayed in the city of Belfast for a week. People say that when you walk the streets of a city you get to know it and love it in such a way that it becomes your own. This was so true for us. Every day we walked for hours - from one end of Belfast to the other. It won our hearts. What fun to explore and retrace steps that his grandfather had walked growing up. We hope to go back some day and take the kids - so they too can feel a connection to a new place - a place that holds history for them.

So - on St. Patricks Day, I want to share a few of my favorite places in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

On top of Cave Hill overlooking Belfast

The Botanical Gardens

University of Belfast - and the monument where Steve's relative's name is engraved.

Thanksgiving monument


Belfast Castle

We found a favorite bookstore (and some new friends!) and our favorite grocery. There was the best place to get a Guiness and my favorite bench in the city) Someday we will get to return. Until then, St Patrick's Day is a fun day to dream of going back.

More Thoughts on Pain

As I have been processing the ideas that have been discussed around here at Trailhead Church over the last few weeks, I keep coming back to the problem of pain. A specific thought has been bouncing around in my head for a while now. It is a mixture of words spoken at our women's retreat and also words from one of Steve's messages in Hebrews.

Steve was teaching about Jesus as God. God is outside of time. He is present in every point of Creation all the time, yet unkept by time. He is not confined. At our women's retreat Kristy spoke about not being alone in our times of pain. That our God hurts when we hurt. He is with us, fully present, when we are hurt. Putting those two thoughts together... Jesus is there when our world is the most devastating. In my worst moments - of abuse, or loneliness, or trauma - Jesus is there and knows my pain intimately. He is present with me in my suffering. Yet, since he is the "ever-present One", He is, at the same time, completely present with me when all is made right - even though I am not there yet. He is present when Shaloam is restored - when all things are made new. He sees the hurt but He also sees the restoration. What a glorious thought!

Scripture speaks of Jesus currently being seated beside God the Father. That, too, is outside of time. I can look forward to when I will no longer be constrained by time. I don't understand everything about heaven and eternity, but I do know I will spend it with Jesus, who suffered more for me than I will ever know. He sacrificed Himself to pay the debt of sin I owed. He is my Substitute. Because of that fact, I have been forgiven and will be eternally free from all the pain faced here on earth and I, too, will see all things made right, all things new.

God knows your pain

Well, the month of February seemed to revolve around the theme of pain. Not just mine - but more generally pain that we as women often struggle through. Trailhead Church had another women's retreat a week ago. A few women began praying in January about what topic God would have us look at - hoping that we would get clear direction. Boy, did we get it. And then some!

My friend Kristy works in a treatment center for women dealing with eating disorders which often times stem from past hurts. She has been learning from God how to deal with trauma and evil and pain. This is no easy thing as I know she will attest to. Some days you see God's hand of redemption, but most days you see the brokenness of this world very clearly and profoundly. I love to hear her teach and knew this was a subject that any women's retreat could benefit from. So we began to pray that God would give Kristy wisdom and discernment about what exactly she should convey.

At the same time, but in an unrelated situation, a good friend of mine, began to feel that God was calling her to be involved in the women's retreat. She shared with me her personal story of sexual assault and the brokenness that it has caused in her life. Yet she rejoiced in the grace that God has shown her and the redemption that she has experienced. We began to pray about what it would look like for her to share her story (which would be a true miracle since she had only shared with a few people ever - it would be a very vulnerable, difficult thing to do). We began praying about this in January as well.

Then came the straw that broke the camel's back, as they say. I came across the promo for a new book from Re:Lit (Mark Driscoll) about sexual assault. The statistics were staggering. One in four women will suffer assault in her lifetime. How could we as the church not talk about this? And how hard would this be? We began to get a little scared! It was very clear what God was going to have us talk about: Jesus and suffering and grace and redemption.

God did confirm and strengthen my friend to share her story of hurt, redemption, and grace. It was hard to listen to. But it was one of the most amazing presentations of the gospel I have EVER heard in my whole life. And Kristy spoke the Word!! Women were given a safe place to process their pain and to be challenged to take their pain to Jesus and to know that He will meet them there. The gospel was proclaimed. Women were pointed to the true gospel, not their "self-made, self religions". Much could be shared of God miraculously leading women to conversations with just the right person. God was preparing hearts to be vulnerable and other hearts to be full of care and love and the desire to listen.

What a good God we have. I am grateful to Him. More thoughts and stories to share - this is only the beginning. From the book Rid of my Disgrace: "We believe that the only thing that gets to the depth of the devastation of sexual assault" (or other pain) "is God's one-way, unconditional love expressed through, and founded on the person and redemptive work of Jesus Christ. And in response to sin and its effects, God's radical grace and redemption are at the center of responding to the pain..."