Psalm 23 In The Time of Covid19

Surely this is one of the most famous portions of Scripture.  I remember learning it as a child.  And for that reason I believe that I sort of wrote it off for so many years.  But over the past ten years this psalm has become a constant hum in the back of my brain.  It is always there.  It is always providing comfort.  It is always available to "call to mind" so that I can have hope (Read Lam. 3:16-26, noting verse 21).

All of the sheep herding images and so beautiful to us.  We love the idea of lacking nothing.  Lying down in green pastures!  I am no shepherd but I am pretty sure sheep only lie down when they trust that they are safe.  And sheep need still waters - fast moving currents are dangerous.

Abruptly the image changes - I am being lead in paths of righteousness.  I am walking in threatening places but I have no fear.  I trust the Shepherd. He is with me.  His direction and correction are a comfort to me.  They aid in my awareness that I am safe.

My perspective on verse 5 changed several years ago.  This passage always brought to mind images of eating at a great big Southern table filled with my favorite foods on fine china with with the most beautiful table cloth and hydrangeas everywhere.  My enemies were so far away I didn't notice them.  They could see me but I paid no attention to them.  I have very few enemies.  However, one day I was at my favorite restaurant in the world, eating my favorite food in the world (mutton and burgoo is you must know!) and in walked one of my only enemies.  Someone who did not want my good.  And INSTANTLY this verse rushed to the forefront of my brain.  THIS is what it means.  I am eating in the very presence of my enemies.  He is not far away.  He is right beside me.  He can see me.  He knows what I am eating.  He can stare.  BUT God (don't you love those two words when they are together?) has set this banquet table.  He is here.  He has set me apart (anointed my head with oil). My cup is overflowing with blessing.  I have nothing to fear.  Strangely, I am not afraid.  (Definitely unsettled, mind you, but not afraid.)

This is what Psalm 23 is all about.  Surely God's goodness and his mercy are mine.  All the days of my life.  God is mine.  I am his.  I will dwell in his steadfast love and faithfulness in His house forever.

How beautiful to think on this psalm in this crazy time of COVID19.  We are being told that we must assume it is everywhere.  We are exposed.  Maybe for you that feels like the valley of the shadow of death or it feels like that banquet table with the enemy very near.  Either way - God is with us.  He is not far away.  He leads us and protects us.  May we suffer?  Yes.  But our heads are anointed - we are set apart to and for Him.  Psalm 4:3 - But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for Himself.  We cannot make ourselves Godly - He freely give us godliness and righteousness in the gift of Jesus.  2 Corinthians 5:21:  For our sake He (God) made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God.

And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord FOREVER. 

Thoughts for Mother's Day

I am a mother.  Some of my friends are not.  I can still hug my momma.  Some of my friends cannot. Some of my friends don't even want to hug their mommas.  Mother's Day is such a hard day.  I find it even more difficult in the church.  The capitalistic, American church has developed a devastating value system for women that plays out on this holiday.  The church says:  Married woman, worthy.  Single woman, less worthy.  Wife with kids, the most worthy.  Wife with no kiddos, failure.  What a calamitous thing to do to each other!!   Why would I be seen as more godly, more blessed, more valued, more anything just because of what has been given to me?  How did my value get determined based on things that I had NOTHING to do with acquiring?  ALL women are a reflection of our heavenly Father.  We reflect an aspect of Him that could not be reflected in men or even in one group of women.  We are daughters of the King.  We are loved and valued and cherished by God.  Why do we stand by as shame and humiliation and disgrace are placed on other women.  Please, oh please, my Trailhead women and other fellow followers of Christ, let us love each other well today.  Let us SEE each other and place the highest value on each one of us - married, single, mother, daughter, divorced, widowed, young, old, black, white, wealthy and poor.  Let us choose our words carefully (maybe you even need to write down ideas for greeting others before you leave the house!).  We will all stand before Jesus Christ one day equal in every way.  We have been redeemed.  We have been washed in the blood of Jesus our Savior - the one who paid a great price for us.  See each other in that light.

A Trip for Two to the Florida Keys

This is October.  It is starting to get chilly - which I love.  But it has me reminiscing over the warm days of summer.  Steve and I had a lovely trip to Florida this year.  So I will share a few photos and stories from a lovely week full of little surprises.  Mostly just enjoy the pictures!

This is the view from our condo.  There is a nice little bench right there on that dock.  We saw sunsets and dolphins and basked in the warm sunshine.  (Booked through VRBO - find some great deal there by searching Islamorada.)

We were right on the water - with two chairs just waiting for us!  There was kayaking and swimming by the pool, day dreaming, and lots and lots of relaxing.  

                                                      

We took a quick run down to Key West.  Some of the highlights were the Audobon House to see original John James Audobon paintings.  It is also worth your time to hike on over to Blue Heaven (www.blueheavenkw.com).  Don't miss the loaded black bean bowl.

We had lots of key lime pie on a stick!  I won't even tell you how many times we stopped to pick a couple of them up!  In Key West Visit Kermit's.  Thankfully they also sell them at almost all Circle K's in the area as well.

Best muffins in the Keys!  Try Harriette's Key Lime Muffins served warm.  Makes my mouth water just thinking about it!  Harriette's is located in Key Largo.

The very best part of the trip were the sunsets!  Every. Single. Night.  We saw the most amazing skies.  From our bench at the condo or from a restaurant on the water.  At one particular restaurant Steve and I were sitting on the dock watching the sun go down.  It was the most peaceful evening - we just sat and watched the sun go down while enjoying just being together.  I turned to Steve and said, "I wish someone would take our picture."  Five minutes later two women visiting from Great Britain said that they had just taken the most amazing picture of us and would like to show us!  They texted us this photo!  I have been so grateful to God for this tiny little blessing - and for those two very gracious ladies.  Maybe I cried... 

Perhaps the best choice of the trip was deciding to take a group sunset cruise.  We were on a budget

 

so chose a pontoon tour that held around fifty people. Renting a boat for ourselves was just too pricey.  However, when we arrived, no one showed up but us!  So instead of a packed out boat vying for the best views,  we had one captain and his little boat and the whole sunset all to ourselves!

We started out with the tour guide giving us his routine - but after a few minutes I asked him to turn off the loud music and just hang out with us.  He graciously agreed!  He answered all our questions, confirmed my eagle sightings, watched a shark with us and told us all sorts of interesting facts.  The most important of which, was that he had not found any wayward pythons!  Thank goodness!  He even gave us complete silence to watch the sun go down.  I think we were all three in awe.  It was the most perfect gift ever.  Maybe I cried again...  haha!  I couldn't have dreamed of a more relaxing way to end our week away.  The two and a half hour trip ended with a lightening show as we pulled back in to the dock!  If you are ever in the Keys, check out the tours at Cheeca Lodge (book through Islamorada Boat Tours (www.islamoradaboattours.com).  It was also a great way to see a beautiful lodge that I had been wanting to see for years... just too pricey to vacation at!

This is looking back over our shoulders as we headed back before it got to dark!

All in all it was the best night ever.  But Steve might actually put up an argument about that.  Some time you should ask him about snorkeling - with SHARKS!  He had such a great time.  If you can imagine that being a great time!  He came back grinning like a little boy - who had just seen a shark up close and personal!  I got the added bonus of Steve without a beard (cause you can't snorkel with a beard).  Haven't seen that face in years.  Looks just like the boy I married so very long ago!  (For the best snorkeling experience in the Keys, book through Bahia Honda State Park. at www.bahiahondapark.com/looe-key-snorkeling-tours.html)


There are a hundred different sunset photos and fifty different food pics.  We had great weather and great meals and even got upgraded from our original rental to a convertible Camaro!  Every little detail of this trip was a blessing from God.  We are so thankful for the good gifts he gives.

The sunset on our first night - from the chairs on the beach at our condo.

View from the tables at the Islamorada Fish Company!  Great food, too.

This was right before two dolphins swam past.

The whole week I had hoped to see a manatee - which is apparently unusual for June/July.  But we saw three!!  One was a cute little baby.  So thankful for this little blessing as well.

We ended the trip with a visit to our favorite church away from Trailhead - Core Community Church

in Homestead, FL.  Such a refreshing visit with good friends.  Then on to our conference in Miami.  It was such a sweet week full of little reminders that we have a glorious God who revels in showing off His creative beauty!  And boy, did we enjoy every minute of it!  Even better that we got to spend it together.  After twenty six years of adventures, I am still glad to run away with Steve.  Already planning when and where we can sneak off to next!  But it's gonna be hard to beat those sunsets...

“Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” – Ibn Battuta( a Morracan traveler from the 1300's)

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow. ~Lin Yutang (Chinese writer and inventor 1895-1976)

A Story of Friendship and Kentucky Blue

It is March.  That means March Madness.  My team is doing pretty well.  I am happy.  Today I am actually wearing my Kentucky sweatshirt.  That used to just make me think of my beloved Wildcats team.  Lately, though, I think more of my friends when I where this.  There is a lovely story.  I'll share it with you.

Back in the early fall of 2014 I woke from one of those mesmerizing dreams that leave you wishing you could go back to sleep.  I dreamt that it was my birthday and all I wanted was hot fudge sundaes and time to pray with a group of eight specific women.  So I promptly emailed all eight of them and told them about my wacky, beautiful dream.  They did not all know each other and we all live in far away places, so getting together is impossible.  But I wanted each of them to know how fun my dream was and how someday in heaven we would have hot fudge sundaes together and plenty of time to pray!

Fast forward to my actual birthday.  Wouldn't you know it, but one of those women is a beautiful instigator!  And she worked her tail off to plan a way for all of those wonderful women to secretly come to my house - everyone made it except one who needed to stay home (but she was so very missed!).  The funny thing is that I was actually cleaning my garage when they showed up!  Steve had taken me out to birthday dinner and then I had asked if we could spend some time working on our colossal disaster of a garage!  (Yes, I know, I know.  Not very cool.   But "acts of service" is my love language!)  I teased him later that he could have said, "Yes, dear.  But you may want to put on a cute shirt to do so!"  He did not.  So I was scrubbing mud off of the back door while wearing my big, well worn, very unflattering Kentucky sweatshirt when my first friend walked in!

In comes  beautiful friend #1 with ice cream.  She said she wanted to give me a hot fudge sundae for my birthday.  Hooray for me!  Nothing too unusual.  Then two more beautiful friends showed up.  I should have been suspicious when I noticed my Arkansas friend wearing a UK shirt.  However,  I was so excited I didn't really process that.  Then my most cherished, lovely Kansas City friend strolled in and I could start crying even now when thinking of how elated I was to see her!  We proceeded to make our sundaes.  Then... they kept on coming!  One at a time!  My beautiful friend from Wisconsin.  Oh, the tears!  And as soon as I stopped crying in walked my lovely friend from Memphis!   More sobbing and hugging!  Then, my lovely friend from Florida waltzed in and I was a weeping fountain of tears!  Y'all - there is video.  I am not joking.  But I will refrain from sharing that... you are welcome!  It was so sweet, yet heart wrenching, to hear that my dear, dear beautiful friend from St. Louis had been
unable to join us for reasons outside her control!    (But boy did we pray for her!)

Bonus - they were all wearing Kentucky blue!!

Oh everyone... have you ever been overwhelmed with how loved you are?  I am so rarely overwhelmed (except maybe by fear!).  But they did it.  I am told that I ate a hot fudge sundae - but I truly don't remember it.  And it was the sweetest time of prayer that I have EVER experienced.  Sadly, at the end of the evening - well, in the early morning, everyone had to go back to their homes and families.  It was truly like a dream.

What a story of friendship and sacrifice.  It was hard to leave families and responsibilities and drive for hours (one friend with a broken tailbone even! and one friend hopping several different flights)!  But I am grateful.  They are such a picture of the sacrificial love of Jesus to me.  Every day.  They love me well by praying and pointing me back to Jesus.  Makes me think of the verse in Hebrews 10:26  "Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works."

It is difficult to write a post like this - for I have so, so many good friends.  I cannot tell you where I would be without my Trailhead Church friends and family.  They love me day in and day out and I love them right back!  Truly.  And my husband and parents and sisters and my children!  But these ladies made a dream come true.  Literally.  :)  And I am thankful.

Welcome 2015

Hard to believe that I haven't written anything since 2014... oh, so long ago. But here we are in March already. January and February (and Stevie-palooza) were lovely. But the clock keeps ticking onward.

And in those ticking moments, I have been thinking about community. This calls for a Wendell Berry quote, don't you think?

"A community is the mental and spiritual condition of knowing that the place is shared, and that the people who share the place define and limit the possibilities of each other's lives. It is the knowledge that people have of each other, their concern for each other, their trust in each other, the freedom with which they come and go among themselves."  ~Wendell Berry, The Long-Legged House (1969)

Such a sweet place to be in. "And so I came to belong to this place..."

Twenty Five Years with You, Stevie

How do we celebrate twenty five years of marriage, Steve?  Words just can't do it.  At least not mine - you are the one who is good with words.  So - how about a little walk down memory lane with twenty five songs?  Twenty five songs for twenty five years
of marriage!

1989 - We got married!!  Two Hearts Beat As One - U2  Do you remember that thunderstorm in Louisville on our honeymoon?  One of my Very. Best. Moments. Ever.
1990 - Dancing with you in our first Missouri apartment - Soul Cages - Sting
1991 - We got to see U2 at Busch Stadium.  I was pregnant with Victoria.  It was SO loud.  We saw Bono interview someone from Sarajevo and call President Bush.  Such a good memory.  Mysterious Ways - U2.
1992 - Victoria is born!   Your first words to her were "You are so beautiful.  She's so beautiful.  She's so beautiful!"  We had sung "You are my Sunshine" for months waiting for her arrival.  We had no idea how Baby Sunshine would change everything.  She did.  She still does.  Listen to Johnny Cash sing it and celebrate the enthusiastic, brilliant, driven, beautiful woman she has grown into!  As she says, she is 100% you and 100% me crammed into one body!  You Are My Sunshine - Johnny Cash
1993 - I Would Walk 500 Miles - The Proclaimers
1994 - We first heard Dave Matthews Band on David Letterman.  One listen and we were hooked.  One of our best dates was Dave Matthews at Riverport.  Yay for babysitters!  Under the Table and Dreaming - DMB
1995 - In May God gave us the blessing of Esther.  She was born so alert and pink and beautiful.  She stole our hearts.  And little did we know just how many shark facts we would learn or how many shark movies we would watch! The tiny shark loving girl has grown to be a shark-obsessed woman!  Listen to the theme song from Jaws and celebrate the beautiful, independent, creative, gifted woman she has become.  The Theme From Jaws
1996 - This life is crazy!!  No sleep for us.  Stay Up Late - Talking Heads
1997 - Remember that time we LOVED hearing Jakob Dylan and the Wallflowers but we walked out on Counting Crows?  Another great date night on a hot August evening.  "Laughing Out Loud" with you.
1998 - Isaac is born!  He has made us laugh from the beginning.  Little smiley boy Steve called him.  Little boy blue.  He is growing to be big and strong like his dad and to love Jesus with his whole heart.  Yet he is different from you in so many ways.  Listen to one of his favorite songs, Beautiful Day, and celebrate the joy that he brings, the hugs that he gives, and the smart, thoughtful, caring, handsome man he has become.  Beautiful Day - U2
1999 - Ten years of marriage!   California Stars - Billy Bragg
2000 - New House!  Ringing in the new century! And bluegrass makes a comeback.  :)  I'll Fly Away - Allison Krauss 
2001 - The most healing, spiritual concert after 9/11 was U2.  Such a painful thing.  But a beautiful song.  One - U2
2002  How many times do you think we have sung Man Of Sorrows by now?  Every night for TEN years!  Man of Sorrows - anybody!
2003 - Oh, Norah Jones.  Come Away with Me - Norah Jones
2004 - We found our way to a new church and it changed everything.  From the psalms... a new song! U2 - 40
2005 - For the first time ever we left the kiddos and travelled to CA alone.  I will never forget that week.  The ocean and the hiking and the clam chowder and the rain and light houses and the sleeping to the sound of the waves again.  Do you want to be my "One and Only" love?  One and Only Love - Teitur
2006 - This year life changes forever.  You go to work for the Journey and our next adventure begins.  I will follow you anywhere.   Rocco Delucca - Colorful
2007  - Sometimes you hear a song and know that it will forever be in your brain - because it expresses so much of what is in your heart.  "All of these lines upon my face tell you the story of who i am... so many stories of where i been and how i got to where i am... I was made for you.  Story by Brandie Carlisle
2008 - I turned 40.  We celebrated our 19th anniversary.  We started a church!  AND in the same month we traveled to Ireland and Northern Ireland.  We realized that Snow Patrol was from Belfast.  "Crack the Shutters Open Wide" was released the month we were there.
2009 - Twenty years of marriage.  It went by so quickly.  And still...  "All I Want is You" - Jars of Clay version may even be better than the real thing.  :)
2009/2010 - Mumford and Sons  "Awake My Soul"
2011 - Trailhead begins!  Jesus of the Scars - Jake Gehret
2012 -Trailhead's first birthday!!  Beautiful Things - Gungor
2013 -  God is so good to us.  Approach My Soul the Mercy Seat - Jon Yerby
2014 - Three years at Trailhead and twenty five years of marriage.  Teach Me To Know - Lone Bellow 

Honorable Mentions!
Rain in the Summertime - The Alarm
War Child/Where The Streets Have No Name - Elbow
Joel Lindsey - What Is Love?
Unchained Melody - Willie Nelson

I have been thinking about these songs and these memories for a while now.  Each song evokes so much emotion.   We have had such a good life, Stevie.  I am so very thankful for it.  I know that what we have is a gift - nothing we have earned and deserved or created.  God gives good gifts.

Here are the lyrics to The Story by Brandi Carlile.  

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you

I climbed across the mountaintops
swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you

Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do, I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through
Like you do, and I was made for you

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

Oh but these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true, I was made for you
Oh yeah, well it's true that I was made for you

Ha!  I just wrote a whole blog without a Wendell Berry reference!  Haha!  Proud of me?

Mother's Day Request

Today is one of those days I dread.  I know so many women do.  So for today, would you do me a favor?  When you pass a woman, one of your friends, would you LOOK at her?  Really look at her?

Take a moment to see her heart - not the external circumstances she is living in.  We as women can be a tough bunch.  "Happy Mother's Day" can be thrown around without much thought.  To many it is a day of sadness - for what has been lost (mother or child) or what has never been.  To many, it is a glorious day to celebrate all that has been given.  And even, it should be a day to celebrate women who aren't mothers (maybe not even married) who have helped you along the way - to be your mom or help as you be a mom.

So please, look at her.  Really look at her.  You may not know what to say, but that is okay.  Maybe that is even better.

One Lie About Singleness (and Marriage, Too!)

So, I am going to climb up on my soap box for a bit.  I'm not getting up there to speak down to anyone - but to try to make my point clearly.

In a recent conversation, a friend told me why she entered counseling.  She casually stated that she was talked into going to counseling by a friend who told her that she didn't have to go, but that if she didn't go, she would never get married.  She would always be alone and always stuck with her sin! It was as if her friend was telling her, "Go fix yourself and then God will bless you with marriage."

I got a little excited when I heard this.  Angry is the better word for it, actually!  While it is true that counseling does help us see ourselves (and sometimes our sin) more clearly, her friend was telling her that she needed to fix herself before she could get married. And I think a lot of people think this.

I want to tell you, this is not so!  Obviously, God is calling us as women to grow more like Christ.  And for some of us, counseling really is a must. But we seek wise counsel in order to grow and mature, not to work to earn a mate.  The bad idea here is that marriage is a reward or guaranteed outcome for that growth or maturity.  Marriage is NOT a reward.  Marriage does not come when we get our lives figured out.

Marriage is a gift of God.   It is NOT a reward (nor is it a goal we use to motivate ourselves to get help when we need it).  If I had waited until I deserved marriage, I would never have gotten married.  I know women who waited until their 40's to marry - not because they were unworthy of marriage, but simply because God hadn't chosen to give them a husband.  I know women who have married at 20 (me included) who then went on to struggle with selfishness and maturity and had lots of growing to do.  Our worthiness did not determine our marital status.

The problem here is not mainly wanting to earn marriage or deserve marriage.  The problem is our view of God.  Do we look to God for karma (giving us what we deserve) or to be a Santa Claus (giving us what we want), or as a Father (who gives us grace)?  As singles, if you look to God for karma, you will try to improve yourself in order to earn a spouse.  If you look to God as Santa Clause, you will create a list of what makes a perfect spouse and demand that God give you exactly what you ask for.  But if you approach God as Father, the giver of grace, you will run to him with your needs, desires, pains, joys, and requests - eagerly trusting him to meet your needs, even if he doesn't give you exactly what you request.

I recently heard a single woman quote John Newton:  "Everything is necessary that God sends.  Nothing can be necessary that he withholds." We must learn to trust God, that in our singleness or our marriage, He is good and He is working out our story to HIS glory.  Do we have a right to demand anything from God?  If karma or Santa is our standard, then sure.  You can demand a husband.  But if God has redeemed us as His own, if he has paid such a heavy price for us, then we are daughters of the King!  We are His!  What rights do we have to demand that He give us anything.  He has given us all things already - salvation!  redemption! restoration!

I am not saying that we don't struggle with being single, or being lonely while married, or any number of struggles that we as women have.  But please, stop trying to earn a different situation and rest in the situation you find yourself in - being the daughter of the King of Heaven!  Have grace for yourself... remind yourself that your current situation isn't a reward or punishment.  You don't have to earn anything from your Father the King!  You just need to trust Him.

Christmas Trees and Ebenezers

I love words.  Not like Steve loves them in that he uses them well.  I have a fondness for certain words.  Fidelity. Membership. Ebenezer.  There's a word you don't hear every day!  The dictionary defines ebenezer as "a commemoration of divine assistance".  It has its origins in Hebrew, meaning stone of help.  Samuel used the word in reference to the "stone which he set up in commemoration of God's help to the Israelites in their victory over the Philistines at Mizpah (1 Samuel 7:12)".  (Also from the entry in the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary).

We don't see ebenezers around much these days.  But if you look, you can find them.  They may look like Samuel's:  I have a stone in our back yard to commemorate the amazing, miraculous way God blessed us with this house.  But they may look completely different than Samuel's:  Our Christmas Tree.  Our Christmas tree is my favorite part of the holiday.  It is a collection of ebenezers for our family.  We have so many ornaments.  Each one has a very specific story or remembrance for us.  Each year we get to look back over all of the ways God has blessed us.  It is a beautiful activity.  It is also the sole reason I enjoy taking down our tree.  As I wrap each ornament I again think back on what God has done and thank Him - for He is good and gracious and glorious and great.  And I can see it right there on our tree.

So I want to share a few of our ebenezers with you!  This SIUE ornament is one of the most exciting.  When I see it I instantly go back to the day when we received an envelope in the mail informing us that Victoria had been awarded a full scholarship for college.  Room and board for four full years!  I get giddy just thinking of that day.  All the emotions and excitement flood back.  God truly provided and blessed us (and Victoria) beyond belief!

We have ebenezers to remember those that are no longer with us.  We do
think of these people more often than Christmas - but it is a beautiful thing to hang an ornament and tell a story or two about people we have loved and lost.

I cannot put up a tree without a flood of feelings of gratitude for family.  Specifically, this tree ornament
 brings back childhood memories.  My mom made this blue Christmas tree.  The year was 1977.  I see it and am forever grateful for parents who love me and love the Lord and who are still such an absolute blessing to me and Steve and the kiddos.

Our favorite ebenezers to put on the tree (and they may actually cause arguments among us for who gets to put which one on the tree!) are a set of simple cardboard "Adornaments" that are pictures depicting the "I AM's" of Scripture.  Jesus says "I am the Door", "I am the Good Shepherd", "I am the "Light of the World", "I am the King of Kings", "I am the Living Water", "I am the Bread of Life", and so on.  What a glorious reminder of His goodness, provision, grace and mercy to us.

This snowflake is a gift from Steve's days at the Journey.  What a blessing that church was to us.  We learned so much of the grace of God while we were there and God used the leaders of that church to change our lives forever.  We put this ebenezer up with thoughts of love and fondness and gratitude.

The 80's Precious Moments ornament was a gift from my parents for the first year of marriage for Steve and I.  1989.  Oh so long ago.  But I will be eternally grateful for such a wonderful man.  I hang that ebenezer with joy each year!!

There are ebenezers for places we have lived (California, Kentucky, Missouri and Illinois).  We cherish each one of those states and homes.  There are ebenezers for adventures that God gaves us - Ireland, Rock City, Land Between the Lakes, Vail, Phoenix and the list goes on and on.  Each a sweet remembrance of "divine assistance".  My ornaments are back in their box until later this year.  But I loved taking each one out and rejoicing in the faithfulness of our good God.  We commemorate Him.

Music Concerts - My Favorites

We just saw a great concert last month - the Lone Bellow at the Old Rock House in St. Louis.  Perfect.  Perfect band.  Perfect venue.  Perfect crowd.  One of the best concerts I've been to.  Which leads to the question:  What are my favorite concerts?  Here's a list!

U2 at Savis November of 2001.  This was one of their first stops in the US after Sept. 11th.  Powerful.  Who would have thought that a group of four Irish guys could help a crowd full of people heal.  But it happened.  We wept as the band sang in front of a massive screen with the names of the 9/11 victims scrolling.  One of the most moving musical experiences of my life.  So happy that I got to share it with Steve.

Mumford and Sons - Off Broadway June 15, 2010.  What can I say?  Mumford and Sons with a small crowd of 200 on their first US tour.  Doesn't get any better than this!  It was like we were in on a little secret that the world hadn't discovered yet.  Now the whole wide world knows.  And I am still a fan!  (Check out a Riverfront Times concert review here).  It helped that this was Victoria and Esther's first concert experience.  What a great first!

The Lone Bellow - Old Rock House November 10, 2013.  This is the perfect venue.  The group sang without microphones on several songs and even walked out into the middle of the crowd and sang on
the dance floor.  And the whole place sang along!  There were also moments when you could see the crowd leaning forward, holding their breath, listening intently.  Amazing. (photo from July 2013 at the Pageant)

Snow Patrol - Soldier Field, Chicago September 12, 2009.  I love U2.  This was the fifth or sixth time we got to see them.  They are
always great.  But it was actually pretty cool to see Snow Patrol.  They were obviously ecstatic to be playing to such a huge crowd.  Lead singer Gary Lightbody couldn't stop smiling.  It was contagious.  They were having fun, so we were having fun.  Gotta love those concert moments.  I have since become a huge Snow Patrol fan.  First started listening to them after a visit to Belfast, Northern Ireland where they are from.


Nylons - Humphrey's, San Diego Bay 1990.  Finally, we go back to the beginning.  Our first year of marriage.  One of the best surprises from Steve ever was a concert the first year we got married.  I have always been a Nylons fan.  For those of you who don't know, they are an a cappella group singing songs such as "Happy Together" and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".  They're great!  I had wanted to see them at Humphrey's - an outdoor venue on the bay in San Diego, where we lived.  Steve said the tickets were sold out, but offered to take me to the restaurant for dinner.   I remember being sad, but enjoying the evening.  When I could hear the crowd getting excited, he walked me out to the concert!  I was so surprised!  A fun night.  Fun music.  Amazing beachside venue.  (Fun first year of marriage!!)

Lots of honorable mentions...  Rocco Delucca at the Duck Room, Punch Brothers at the Sheldon Concert Hall, U2 at Busch Stadium in '92.

So, what are your top five concerts?

The Difference Between Hospitality and Entertaining

Christmas has just ended.  I ran across a blog recently that spoke volumes of wisdom to those of us who love to have people into our homes for a meal - holiday or every day.   I love to cook for others.  Often, in my desire to have community around a shared meal, I end up seeking to impress and to entertain my guests.   I am reminded that there is a difference between serving (hospitality) and impressing (entertaining).  I had never read Jen Wilkin's blog before, but I am so glad I did!   She has much to say about the differences between the two.  You should read her words here!

Here are a few of the quotes I loved the most:

Entertaining is always thinking about the next course. Hospitality burns the rolls because it was listening to a story.

Entertaining seeks to impress. Hospitality seeks to bless.

Entertaining invites those whom it will enjoy. Hospitality takes all comers.

Orderly house or not, hospitality throws wide the doors. It offers itself expecting nothing in return. It keeps no record of its service, counts no cost, craves no thanks. It is nothing less than the joyous, habitual offering of those who recall a gracious table set before them in the presence of their enemies, of those who look forward to a glorious table yet to come.

It is a means by which we imitate our infinitely hospitable God.

While we are in the middle of a holiday season of eating with friends and family and neighbors, let's put the important things first.  We love and serve others because Christ Jesus loved us first - while we were still his enemy.  We love and serve others for their good and benefit, not to receive praise.  We love and serve others as a joyful celebration - of time with family and friends and neighbors!!  My table is happiest when it is surrounded by those I love and those I am getting to know.  And when the rolls are burned (read her article!)!! 

Leading and Following

Throughout the past few months Steve has had to lead our family through some chaos and difficulties.  Often we have disagreed about things.  For those of you who know us, this isn't unusual - we are about as different as it gets.  I am pretty strong willed and stubborn - good qualities in any Southern woman, to be sure.  But they can make leading me a little on the difficult side.  I was telling a friend about a recent date where Steve and I discussed, argued, and even cried as we fought through a certain situation... all while we ate our pizza, said hello to friends, and talk with the waiter!  A little weird, I know.  But it was important for me to be heard and for Steve to be able to listen and ask questions.  This led my friend to come up with a list of her own questions.  Here they are:

"How did you know that Steve could lead you? How did you first learn that? What made you begin to trust Steve to do this? You said you are both stubborn, how has this been good for you guys?"

So this is an interesting topic and one that I think should be discussed pretty often.  It gets sticky - so beware!!

First off, I am starting with some basic assumptions that I feel are based on the Word of God.  Steve and I are equal before God.  We are called to submit to each other.  We are called to serve each other.  But Steve is called to lead me and our family.  That is his role.  My role is to submit to his leadership and to help equip him to be a leader who honors God and his family.  But that doesn't make me of lesser value in our relationship.  Our roles are different, but equal.  It took me many, many years to figure this out.  But in my old age I have come to value these differences and enjoy the reflection of God's relationship.  God the Father and Jesus and the Spirit are all equal yet each has a different role in the relationship.

Now, to those questions!  The question of leadership for me went way back to before Steve and I started dating.  Yes, way back in the 80's!  We were friends and I had gotten to know him well.  I knew
that he was a man who loved God more than anything and that he was seeking to honor God as he made decisions - big and small.  I knew this was a man who would strive to honor God as he learned to lead me. I knew this before we dated.  I observed these qualities.  No, he wasn't perfect.  But he was strong enough to let me fight with him and still be confident enough to stand on his beliefs and make decisions.  I was confident of these things before dating even entered the picture.

Trust.  I don't think this happens instantly.  It grew over time.  I saw Steve's desire to value me and love me well.  He was honest and open and willing to let me speak into his decision making process.  He trusted me.  He listened.  He still does.    Being stubborn is part of who I am.  But I do not fight for the right to make decisions for our family, God has given him this role/responsibility.  I fight for the right to be heard.  I need to know that my opinion will be heard and thoughtfully considered.  I need to know that Steve is not too proud to change his mind if I have a better view of something or a more clear vision.  He is humble.  But I have also had to learn to be humble enough to let him step out in disagreement with me when he feels that he is making a good decision.  I need to be gracious.  I need to willingly follow.  Humility on both parts is important (not easy!!), but essential.


How is being stubborn good for both of us? Hmmmm.... being stubborn gives me the drive to fight when I feel that God has clearly spoken.  It gives me the determination to argue for what I feel strongly about.  Again, it has to be tempered with humility (which I definitely need more of - lots more!).  It also has to be tempered with the desire to want Steve's best - to mutually submit to Steve as he makes decisions for us and the family.


The part that makes stubbornness so dangerous is pride.  And trust me, we have walked through lots of fights where my need to be right or in charge or stubbornly assertive way out weighed my need to mutually submit and serve one another.  It is an ugly thing to see a prideful, stubborn husband or wife fighting for their wants instead of what God has called them to want.  That undermines Steve's ability to trust me.  It undermines my ability to be a good wife and mother who seeks to put the needs of my family before my own.  It is an ugly, ugly thing.  I know it well in my own life.

The hope that each of us has is Christ Jesus himself.  Read Philippians 2.  Jesus is the perfect example of humility.  He has the right to want all things.  Yet he chose to purposely humble himself.  "2:1 Since there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, and participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.  3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  5 have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Hope in Him!  Hope in him to grow you as you seek to "let this mind among yourselves" and to "count others more significant than yourselves".  Sound hard?  It is!  Sound scary?  It is!  But the work is His to do - just ask Him to do it!

The Search for the Perfect Pot Roast Has Ended!

Today is a stormy, gloomy sort of day.  These are my favorite days.  Nothings says climb back into bed like a day like this.  Oh how I wish I could spend all day in bed.  But...  there are things to do...

...cooking supper being one of them.  I don't use that word "supper" very often.  But it takes me back home to growing up in Kentucky.  My mom would call us for supper.  Mmmmm.... makes my mouth water.

Anyway, back to rainy days and eating dinner (or supper).  I am always on the lookout for a pot roast recipe that will wow my family.  I have tried zillions.  I want to share two with you.  The first wowed me - and only me.  But I LOVED it.  The second wowed my family.  So to save you some time and energy and to avoid the never ending search, here are my two top picks for pot roast.

NOTES:  Be sure not to buy the expensive cut of meat - but a nicely marbled chuck roast that you can often find for less than $2.00 per pound.  That makes this even better!  Also, I know lots of you have one of those fancy dutch ovens.  Mine is from Aldi's!!  It was $20.  The seal isn't great - but it works just fine.  So use a dutch oven of any kind if you can.  It seems to be better than the crock pot.  But I think both recipes have variations for crockpots.

First, Martha Stewart is my favorite.  She's amazing.  This roast is one of the reasons why.  The tomato paste gives it a think, sweet, tomato-y flavor that I love.  Sadly, I have only gotten to cook it a few times since my family has a different idea of super roast.  But PLEASE check it out here.

Second, The Pioneer Woman has a GREAT recipe.  And her directions are very detailed - with quirky commentary and lots of pictures.  Anyone can make this recipe.  And everyone will love this recipe.  Click here.   

Dinner is served:  the Pioneer Woman's pot roast, broccoli, corn bread, and home made banana pudding for dessert.  Inexpensive but satisfying - perfect for a rainy day supper.

The River

Today we travelled to Alton, IL to check out the flooded Mississipi River.  There is something so fascinating about a river overflowing her banks.  Jayber Crow says it like this:  "I was sitting not six inches above the surface of the water, and you can't be that close to a flood and not feel the size and power of it and also, a kind of fascination.  If you let yourself, you could sit for hours and watch it, just to see the next thing that would float by..." (Page 88, Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry)

I love the river.  I have always loved rivers.  Growing up in Kentucky we were close to the great Ohio River.  On weekends you could find me driving through the corn fields to get to a favorite spot overlooking the swift moving water.  Sitting and watching the drift wood float along.  So peaceful and quiet.  It was perfect.  I learned how to drive on those roads next to my river.  When I was little we would sit on the banks and watch my parents ski there.  So many memories... so much water.

Have you ever been to the Confluence where the Missouri River runs into the Mighty Mississippi?   You can't get there right now - there's too much flooding (The flooding of June 2013 is the sixth highest on record!).  But later this summer you should go.  Walk out to the very tip of the land and stick one foot in each river.  Sit on a rock.  Watch the two rivers mingle.  You can see it happen!   Sit on a rock and just watch.  Better yet, throw a big stick into the Missouri and see how far out into the Mississippi it goes before making a quick right turn and heading down to St. Louis.  Do it!

Speaking of the Ohio River, Jayber Crow goes on to say, "Sometimes, living right beside it, I forget it.  Going about my various tasks, I don't think about it.  And then it seems just to flow back into my mind.  I stop and look at it.  I think of its parallel, never-meeting banks, which yet never part.  I think of it lying there in its long hollow, at the foot of all the landscape, a single opening from its springs in the mountains all the way to its mouth.  It is a beautiful thought, one of the most beautiful of all thoughts.  I think it not in my brain only but in my heart and in all the lengths of my bones."  (Page 310, Jayber Crow, Wendell Berry)

The Weather

Sitting on my patio watching storms roll in is a sweet afternoon delight.  My favorite days involve thunder and lightening and lots and lots of wind.  If Steve would let me, our bedroom window would be open about two inches each night just so I could know what was going on outside with the weather.  As a kid growing up in rural Kentucky I slept with the window open.  I could hear the chickens very early in the morning or the cows lowing in the neighbor's fields.  In the Spring, the smell of the magnolias would waft through the window.  The cooing of a dove will forever remind me of being tucked in my bed, nice and warm.  These days I can hear the whippoorwills in the middle of the night and the distant howling of the coyotes, haunting and strangely comforting.  I snuggle in just a little tighter when the wind picks up and blows in through the open window.  Pure contentment.

I found this poem years ago.  I found a kindred spirit.  The author, Steven Schreiner even kept his window open two inches as well.  For him those two inches not only let in the weather, but also hope after mourning.

The Weather
Ever since I can remember, I have been in love
with the weather, an extension of hope
or despair.  It comes to the window
in the morning, after crossing the country
all night:  the plains outside Topeka,
between the mountains of Ouray, across the flat
farms of Iowa where the corn turns a brilliant
green when you awake.  And when you sleep
and startle from some nightmare
of yourself in deep trouble, fighting your own
life, and should open a window, it comes
there too, it's already there
and walks right in as if it's been waiting
just for you.  I always hoped
the air would warm, I don't know why, with my radio
tuned to weather and my window open two inches.
The days moved by degrees in me, spring
coming around 52, then 55, and soon
summer, the tiring days, the mornings
bright as crystal.  If in your life
there was un unexplained event, losing a father or
having the wrong one, you were probably also looking out
into the frosted trees, for some extension
of yourself, some frostbitten hope, that soon
it would grow green again in the places
where the black earth steamed under you.

The Weather, from the book Too Soon to Leave by Steven Schreiner (Ridgeway Press, 1997)

A Valentine Legacy

The Lord graciously blessed me with parents who love each other.  They have loved each other for many, many Valentine's Days.  True fidelity.  That is an old fashioned word, but one of my favorite words.   It means loyalty, faithfulness in a relationship, constancy, steadfastness, and true-heartedness.  For 46 years my parents have acted out fidelity.  My sisters and I had a living, breathing marriage tutorial right before our very eyes.  I have watched and learned.  Not that their relationship (or mine) is perfect.  But I have seen them seek to honor God and each other as they walk through this crazy thing we call life.  See how young and in love they were oh, so long ago.

Thanks Mom and Dad for loving each other - and me! 

And while I am thinking on it, I never got to see my grandparents together.  My grandfather died way too young.  But I have heard stories!  I like to think that my parents also had a great example to observe as well.  Check this photo out!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Favorite Valentine Thought from Hafiz

The Beautiful One whom I adore

Has pitched His royal tent inside of you,

So I will always lean my heart

As close to your soul

As I can.   

Hafiz is one of my favorite poets.  From the poem "The Woman I Love", as collected in the book "The Subject Tonight Is Love" (Translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

New Chili Recipe - SCD Safe

I confess, I am a recipe follower.  Rarely do I deviate from what is written on the card (or page or website).  But lately I have been trying to use some wheat-free, dairy-free recipes - and lots of them are just not so good.  We were craving chili and I wanted to try something from the Specific Carbohydrate Diet - have friends who are on it.  But we weren't satisfied with what I found.  So, horror or horrors - I got creative.

The result was REALLY good.  I have made lots of chili recipes over the years - but this is our favorite - and it is by far the healthiest!  Hope you like it.

Lauren's Chili 
Ingredients:
2 pounds ground beef, browned and drained (I prefer grass fed - but can't always afford it)
l pound dried black beans prepared as directed, drained - about 6-7 cups of black beans
           (could use canned, but for SCD use home cooked from dried beans - if using canned
           please drain and rinse to remove excess salt)

46 ounces tomato juice  (use one without added sugar or other ingredients)
2 cups beef broth
2 tsp chili powder
1-2 Tbsp minced garlic
(Could add minced onion as well - but my family is not a big fan)
1Tbsp oregano
1/2 tsp cumin
3 tsp red pepper flakes
2-3 medium carrots - finely grated
1-2 cups lentils (rinsed, sorted and soaked for 30 minutes)

* In a large skillet brown ground beef then drain grease.  Add garlic, all spices and carrots.  Cook for a few minutes on medium heat.
*Pour beef into a large stock pot.  Pour in tomato juice and beef broth.  Add black beans and lentils.  Simmer for at least one hour - if not two or three! (Of course you can serve it as soon as it is warm, but simmering infuses all the flavors and softens the lentils.  I don't like them crunchy.) 
* Makes enough to feed a huge crowd!  Can't give number of servings because no one wanted to count!
* I have had great success with freezing this chili as well.  Seems to keep up to two months from my experience.  Sill yummy!  Put it in a microwavable bowl and take it out any time you need a quick, hearty meal.  I freeze mine in single serving bowls.

Enjoy!

Thoughts on Fidelity

In August Steve and I celebrated our 23rd year of marriage.  Never could I have fathomed 23 years!  Never could I have imagined how much better marriage would be now.  It didn't make sense in my brain - to be old and to be in love sounded boring. Oh, how wrong I was...  The safety and peace of knowing and being known is overwhelming in such a beautiful way.  As we look ahead at our kiddos all being out of the house (still four years away!) I can actually have joyful anticipation.  Who would have thought?  As always, Wendell Berry puts words to my swirling thoughts...  

The Blue Robe
How joyful to be together, alone
as when we first were joined
in our little house by the river
long ago, except that now we know

each other, as we did not then;
and now instead of two stories fumbling
to meet, we belong to one story
that the two, joining, made. And now

we touch each other with the tenderness
of mortals, who know themselves:
how joyful to feel the heart quake

at the sight of a grandmother,
old friend in the morning light,
beautiful in her blue robe!


I don't often talk about the idea of being beautiful.  This is never a word I use when speaking of myself.  But thankfully my husband does!  What a miracle of God! :)  That Steve would think of me as beautiful - that he would consider me his standard of beauty.  It is a more valued gift than any other he has given me.  How does this happen?  It is a developed gift - not an instantaneous feeling.  Of course when you are young there is that attraction of beauty.  But I am older now, different than I was then.  But my amazing husband has kept his eyes only on me.  He has cherished the gift of me.  He does not compare me.  I do not ask him to.  We do not talk of the beauty of other women or men.  We work hard to avoid that pit of "Do you think I'm as pretty as...?" or "Who is more beautiful?  Handsome?"  He honors me and, though I don't deserve it, he loves me.  God has honored this covenant with fidelity.  I love that old fashioned word.  It means the quality or state of being faithful.  It's what makes the grandmother in the blue robe beautiful.  It is what makes the man with the stoop and the cane handsome.  Look at how thesaurus.com defines it:

Part of speech:  adjective
Definition:  loyal, reliable
Synonyms:  affectionate, allegiant, ardent, attached, confiding, conscientious, constant, dependable, devoted, dutiful, enduring, fast, firm, genuine, honest, honorable, incorruptible, loving, on the level, resolute, sincere, staunch, steadfast, steady, straight, sure, tried, tried and true, true-blue, trustworthy, trusty, truthful, unchanging, unswerving, unwavering, upright.

What a picture of Christ.  He is all of those things.  He is true and trustworthy and unchanging.  I am grateful to Steve for his fidelity - he is not perfect, but he is a reminder of Christ to me.  He seeks to love me as Christ loves the Church.  I am thankful.

Those of you who know us personally know that we are far from perfect.  We have lots of issues!  But, that's the beauty of it.  Fidelity can be found in our imperfection.  I don't write to brag on us, but to encourage you:   what I thought was impossible isn't.